The Hidden Dangers of Swinging and Sexual Addiction in Relationships

A reader recently asked me about the connection between swinging and sexual addiction. Like many relationship issues, the opinions on this topic vary widely.

People within the swinger community often see their activities as healthy, normal, and freeing. Many of the comments I’ve received from members of this community emphasize the idea of freedom and the normalization of their actions. But here’s the thing — addiction works in a similar way. Those struggling with alcohol or drugs also view their consumption as normal. And that’s the kicker with addiction: When you’re in the middle of it, you don’t see it for what it is.

Addiction has a way of putting blinders on you, so you can’t recognize the danger. Your mind craves the thrill, the risk, the challenge. Swinging, for some people, can definitely fit into this addictive framework. For those who repeatedly engage in risky sexual behavior without self-control, swinging can lead to emotional damage, relationship struggles, and an overall decline in well-being.

The Link Between Swinging and Sexual Addiction

Now, the connection between swinging and sexual addiction isn’t fully understood. Experts are still debating it. But my perspective has been influenced by psychologist Patrick Carnes, who has decades of experience in dealing with sexual addictions. In his view, swinging is on the continuum of sexual addiction.

But does that mean everyone involved in swinging is a sexual addict? No. However, it would be naïve to assume that there aren’t people within the lifestyle who are struggling with sexual addiction.

Swinging as a Cover for Addiction

One of the more alarming aspects is how some sexual addicts use swinging to hide their addiction. The secretive nature of the swinger community provides the perfect environment for them to engage in their addiction without being questioned. The very rules of swinging allow their addiction to flourish under the radar.

For some, swinging isn’t just about mutual consent — it becomes transactional. They post ads offering up their spouses for sexual partners, almost like they’re conducting a garage sale. And when they aren’t offering people, they offer photos or movies of themselves or their spouse. Their exhibitionism becomes a transaction.

This behavior gets even murkier when money and influence come into play. Some swingers leverage their power to seduce other couples into situations where they are being used. To outsiders, it feels like soft human trafficking. To those inside the lifestyle, it’s just part of the game. But make no mistake, it’s a sign of how deeply entrenched they are in the lifestyle.

The Costs of Swinging and Addiction

When your relationship is filled with secret activities and the commodification of yourselves or your spouse, it’s moved from healthy to dysfunctional. And when you’ve reached that point, it’s time to ask whether there’s a sexual addiction at play.

Selling photos and movies of your spouse? Not healthy. Offering your spouse’s affections in personal ads? That’s unhealthy too. Hiding affairs? It’s all part of a pattern. The so-called freedom of swinging comes with a steep price — and that price is often intimacy, honesty, and trust.

If those things are missing from your marriage, the relationship is on shaky ground.

Overcoming the Trauma

If you’re caught up in the swinger lifestyle and looking for help, there is a way out. In the video “Relationship Trauma for Swingers”, you’ll find ways to overcome the emotional and relational damage that comes from being in this world.

Click and download your copy today to start healing your relationship and find a healthier path forward.