The Lasting Impact of Childhood Abuse on Infidelity and Relationships

One thing I miss about being in group practice is the shop talk — those casual conversations between therapists where we compare notes and discuss the latest cases. One of the most eye-opening conversations I had was with my colleague Randy. We were discussing childhood sexual abuse, but what made this conversation different was the grooming patterns we noticed.

The chilling part? Some childhood sexual abuse wasn’t just about the immediate trauma — it was programming. The abuser was breaking down the child’s inhibitions and conditioning them for future sexual activity. It went beyond physical abuse. These children were also being sent emotional messages: You’re not loved. You’re not valued for who you are.

This realization hit me hard. I started thinking through the long-term effects of such abuse. When someone’s boundaries are broken down so early, what happens when they grow up? What if that abuse sets the stage for infidelity later in life?

The Impact of Early Abuse on Future Relationships

The idea that someone could be programmed to cheat later in life was horrifying. The trauma of early sexual abuse has far-reaching effects. When I first considered this, it was long before stories of MKUltra or Sex Kitten programming hit the mainstream. But the more I worked with victims, the more plausible this idea became.

Childhood trauma, especially sexual trauma, has a way of shaping future behaviors in unpredictable ways. And when someone goes through the trauma of an affair later in life, it can awaken those early childhood experiences. Old wounds reopen, and past traumas resurface with a vengeance.

This isn’t just about painful memories. It’s about the patterns of behavior that were laid down during childhood. Infidelity in adulthood can often be linked back to those broken boundaries and emotional wounds from early life.

Grooming for Infidelity

One particularly alarming aspect of childhood sexual abuse is the possibility that it serves as a form of grooming for future sexual behavior. The abuse breaks down psychological barriers, setting up the victim for struggles later in life, including issues like cheating.

What I found especially chilling in my conversations with Randy is that this grooming was systematic. It was almost as though the abuser was programming their victim, not just for sexual exploitation, but for a lifetime of relational dysfunction.

The Ripple Effect of Trauma

Trauma is powerful. It changes people in deep and surprising ways. Affair trauma, for example, can trigger earlier life traumas, causing a ripple effect that touches every aspect of a person’s life. It’s not uncommon for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to struggle with infidelity in their adult relationships. Those early life experiences resurface, often in ways that feel uncontrollable.

This is why resolving past traumas is so important. Unresolved childhood abuse can make affair recovery far more difficult than it needs to be. Those old traumas, when triggered, make it hard to break free from the cycle of betrayal and pain.

You Can Overcome

In my video “Overcoming Affair Trauma,” I guide you through ways to stop being stuck in a trauma mindset. Rather than being plagued by “It’s happening again” thinking, you can start realizing, “I’ve made it through tough situations before, and I can do it again.”

Even though you may wrestle with old memories and deep traumas, you don’t have to let them control your life or your relationship. It’s possible to move past the affair trauma and regain some peace of mind.