It fascinates me how many lessons can be learned from events in history. Recently, I found myself exploring the topic of feuds. Those historic feuds are not just something in the movies, they were conducted by real people with grievances.
The feuds like the Lee-Peacock or the Sutton-Taylor tore up whole counties across Texas. Matters escalated to the point where even lawmen and judges were sucked into the action. Whole towns took sides in those feuds. Those involved had big hurts, few answers and matters escalated quickly.
Even the big rivalry between Texas and Texas A&M has feud like qualities to it.
This insight came to me when I had the opportunity of working with a direct descendant from the Hatfield and McCoy feud. I recall all the cartoons of hillbillies shooting at each other. Those cartoons make light of what was a matter of life, death and honor for the families involved.
There’s many lessons you can learn from those events. They started with one incident that escalates into mutual retaliation. Each side focuses on the wrongs they endured and the need for paying the other side back. Their focus is not just momentary, they obsess over the wrongs.
The injured parties draw in other family members into the initial conflict and the resentments spread. All that focusing on the hurt lead to tempers boiling over. The parties find themselves looking for a reason to retaliate. They look for opportunities for outbursts.
The parallels between feuds like Hatfield-McCoy or Sutton-Taylor or even gang wars and affair fallout are many. After the initial wrong, things escalate with mutual retaliation.
Family members are brought into matters and what could have been handled between the couple now becomes ‘fighting words’ for the whole family. Family members begin taking sides in an escalating conflict. They take up offenses for the ‘injured’ parties.
It often gets to the point where even speaking the name of the other spouse is frowned upon. When matters escalate this much, the families forget about the affair and focus instead on revenge. They are so worked up, they can’t see straight.
An old preacher once said “The only sure way to arrest is to forgive the first injury.” Although I think that old preacher was right, many of you don’t know how to forgive, especially when things have become feud material.
The GOOD news is…I recently made a video addressing forgiveness. “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down walls and Remove the Roadblocks” is now available. It guides you through how to forgive and the steps involved.
Rather than guess at how to forgive or just act like you forgive, you can instead have solid answers and method in forgiving the wrong that started the mess you are going through.
Best Regards,
Jeff
