Some cheaters may deflect your attempts at exposing their actions and attitudes by claiming that you are just being jealous. By labeling your concern as ‘jealousy’ they dismiss your concerns and twist the events around. What may have been you expressing fears and discomfort at their flirting, sexual talk or refusing to rebuff advances by the cheater has now turned into your problem. They have managed to turn the whole situation around. When they do this, you may find yourself feeling guilty for being uncomfortable with seductive advances being made toward your spouse. They have made you feel out of line for having picked up on early warning signs of an affair.
After they have dismissed your concerns and ignored your feelings, you are left to deal with the whole unsightly mess in silence. You may find yourself struggling with the choice of speaking out and being labeled as paranoid, jealous or nagging or the other option of just suffering in silence, feeling even more guilt because you see the danger and are doing nothing. Each choice sucks. These are not really choices, but rather being forced into a ‘no-win’ situation.
Jealousy often gets a bad reputation, despite that it often functions as an early warning system for the marriage. There are times you spouse will need to talk to members of the opposite sex. If you are reacting to them doing business together, it may be the unhealthy type of jealousy. If on the other hand, you are reacting to calls from those members of the opposite sex in the middle of the night, hushed conversations that are not about work, meeting them out of town and activity that is often surrounded by secrecy, there is cause for alarm. Those types of things are not routine business.Your suspicions in such cases need to be addressed. In those situations, it is not just jealousy, something is going on that is not “just business”.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
