It’s always encouraging hearing from readers with their concerns. I assume that the latest concern is from a cheater.
They asked “Is there any chance of forgiveness after a long-term affair?” I suspect it was a cheater, since that kind of question seldom comes from the betrayed.
With the reader asking about forgiveness in this manner, they want forgiveness. It’s not clear whether they want to forgive themselves of want the betrayed spouse to forgive them.
Cheaters need both kinds of forgiveness. Without both, there’s room for resentment, regret and possible affair relapse developing.
When they don’t have the serenity that comes after forgiveness, it’s only a matter of time.
Obtaining forgiveness also requires repentance for what they did. Repenting means they’ll need to do some soul searching. They need to be clear as to what they are repenting for along with an awareness of the effect it brought either to themselves or others.
That soul searching looks for wrong behavior, wrong attitudes and wrong choices. At the time, they may have not considered what they did was wrong.
Although it’s hard admitting what they did was ‘wrong’, making such an admission goes a long way in seeking forgiveness. It validates your experience as the betrayed.
It’s essential that the wrong behavior be linked to saying that it was ‘wrong’. Soft peddling what they did or not admitting it was wrong weakens the forgiveness.
You felt like it was wrong and when you hear it from them, it confirms what you experienced. It also lets you know that the two of you agree on that assessment. Additionally, it signals that they are considering things from your perspective and your feelings.
Without repentance, the chances of forgiveness for a long-term affair are minimal. The longer the affair went on, the greater the need for repentance.
There’s no guarantee that just because you repent, that there will be immediate forgiveness. It’s unrealistic to think that you give them immediate forgiveness after their long-term, ongoing betrayal.
Forgiveness in such situations takes time. Healing always takes time.
In my video on forgiveness entitled “Forgiveness: Stop the pain, tear down the walls and remove the obstacles“, I address many of the issues surrounding forgiveness. Things like repentance, remorse, forgiveness and methods of approaching it.
If you’re unclear about forgiveness or have questions, then click and download your copy today.
It can guide you in seeking healing for your marriage and your soul.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
