I was intrigued at a question that came up on the blog. The question was “Is revealing an affair blackmail?”
The term ‘blackmail’ is Scottish in origin, going back to the days when settlers in the borders region often paid a ‘tax’ or ‘mail’ to be left alone. When this tax was considered to be of dubious origin, it was referred to as black mail. This is what we commonly refer to as ‘extortion’, since the tax was extorted via threat or the protection from a threat.
With the origin of blackmail being established, does ‘revealing an affair’ fall into that category? If money or threats of harm are involved, it could be considered blackmail.
For instance, if you told a cheater that they needed to pay you or you would reveal their affair, it would be blackmail.
In terms of legal issues, something is considered blackmail if you compel a person to do something against his or her will, or for purposes of taking the person’s money or property.
So, if you are using the information to compel the cheater to do certain things they would not normally do, it would be blackmail. If you are using the affair to attain money or property, it would be blackmail.
If you are just sharing the information to let their spouse know, it is NOT blackmail. If you are their spouse and share information about the affair with others due to your spouses being a slime, without threatening them for money or property, it is not blackmail. You may ruin their reputation, but it is not blackmail.
When cheaters claim you’re ‘blackmailing’ them, it’s often a ploy to ‘keep their secret’. When you are manipulated into keeping the affair secret due to their threats, you are an accomplice. Whether you are called an accomplice or a blackmailer often depends on who is making the accusations.
The bottom line is that there are no winners when you become aware of the affair. You also do not want to accept money, property or goods either to reveal the secret or to keep the secret. Money + Secrets is never a good combination.
Another issue is often your attitude in revealing the affair. Are you doing it to bring healing or to bring hurt? The attitude behind the revealing often becomes critical in how it is viewed and perceived. When it comes to affair information, “Attitude is Everything”.
Another tough question is “Should I reveal the affair?” This question always requires some soul searching. Would you want to know? Will the information you share bring healing? What is your attitude behind revealing the affair? Once you answer these, then it will become clear as to whether or not you should reveal the affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
