One of the more challenging situations to handle regarding affairs is that of the angry cheater. Cheaters with anger problems require special handling. Most people get angry when confronted with the truth, especially cheaters. When you confront an angry cheater, they often fly into a rage. While in that rage, they may become violent toward you or others. Besides their anger, they often deny what happened, what it means and the seriousness of what is going on. They may even twist things around to where you ‘made’ them do what they did. They have a way of making the affair your fault. When that happens, there is guilt on top of fear on top of hurt that you are dealing with.
So, how can you deal with such a spouse. When there is intense anger, you may even refer to them as ‘a monster’. In some cases, the monster even has a scary face that often accompanies their anger. In most cases, the angry spouse is unaware of the face, or the intimidation they pose. They often scream, but then deny it with something like, “I was just being firm”.
It would take a whole series of posts to cover everything you need to know about in dealing with such a person. Let us start with the primary concern which is safety. Your safety and the safety of your children are a priority. Some of the danger signs that indicate that you need to ‘bug out’ rather than stick it out are:
1. If they have choked you in a fit of anger
2. If they have threatened to ‘kill’ you or your children
3. If they have broken your bones.
4. If they are suicidal
5. If they isolate you from friends, family and community
6. If they imprison you
If you are dealing with any of these situations, you will want to but out rather than stick it out, since your safety is in danger.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
Good. Discussing and explaining Monster is important. Many are shocked when Monster confronts with anger. But what may be particularly unexpected and even shocking is when anger is preceded by some of Monster’s other faces. There is the seducer or charmer. A betrayed spouse may think this is a positive face, but often it is part of Monster even though it may seem the opposite. When Monster doesn’t get it’s way by being charming and manipulative it escalates to more overtly negative behaviours.
I am looking forward to your continuing segments.
Rollercoasterrider,
I am glad that you enjoyed it. There are many aspects to dealing with anger and cheating. I find that it works best to take it piecemeal since those struggling through it often struggle to maintain their focus for long periods.