Although the media portrays affairs as a time of ‘wine, roses and filled with activity in the sack’, the reality is far different. The real stimulation action is not in the bedroom.
The thrilling sensations are not in the lover’s touch. The real action is mainly in the cheater’s brain.
All those intense feelings and drives that are supposedly driving them into seeking wild passionate sex are being controlled by chemicals being released in their brain. Changes in brain chemical levels don’t sell movies, nor do they sell pulp paperbacks.
They don’t make for very exciting reading, yet they’re the little things that make affairs so addicting. When the cheater keeps going back for the affair, what’s really going on is that their brain is wanting more stimulation.
The brain wants to be ‘switched on’ and have the potent neurochemicals released.
The feel good chemical reactions in the cheater’s brain is where the excitement lies The neurochemicals released are what makes things exciting.
Saying that ‘what makes affairs so addicting‘ is nothing more that changes in chemical levels in the brain takes the allure out of an affair. Although it takes the allure out of adultery, it’s the reality of what you’re up against.
The cheater’s fantasies often trigger the release of a chemical cocktail. Between the serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and other chemicals, the brain is stimulated. It’s turned on and switched into high gear.
As more sections of the brain are activated, more chemicals are released. The fantasies merely start a series of chemical reactions akin to a series of dominoes falling.
When the cheater’s brain is turned on, they feel ALIVE!You may even hear them talking about that feeling in contrast with how they feel dead in the marriage.
Such statements are accurate descriptions of what’s happening in their brain yet totally inaccurate regarding their relationship with you.
The brain likes being activated or turned on and put into high gear. This is where addictions lie.
Terms like feeling ‘wired’ or ‘fully alive’ are often used describing this phenomena. The mind likes that sensation and wants it again and again.
It likes the high. It swings from one extreme to another. Rather than consider if a behavior is right or wrong, it instead looks for what keeps the buzz going.
When it is down or the chemicals are depleted, it wants another round of stimulation. It goes seeking ways of getting turned on, whether through direct stimulation or as a result of starting with fantasies.
The question may come up, ‘Why not give them a pill to stop the affair?‘ This could be done. YET, tinkering with brain chemicals can backfire on you.
Those same chemicals that you gave them a pill to shut down are the same ones you want turned on when they’re with you. Instead of pills to stop an affair, you want them to be rewired or reprogrammed to where you activate them rather than someone else.
This is why I address the role of brain activity and brain chemicals behind affairs in the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“. The more you understand how the cheater’s brain works, the better you’ll be able to make lasting changes.
Brain patterns can be changed. When you realize that what the two of you are working against is the cheater’s brain instead of the lover, it makes success attainable. Let me repeat that. Your real enemy is not the lover, it’s your spouse’s brain.
Best Regards,
Jeff
