It always scares me when a spouse comments that they want to get back to ‘normal’. In relationships where an affair has occurred, going back to the way it was is dangerous. Going back to the way it was means that someones needs are not being met and the couple is not talking about it.
In many ways, what people are referring to as ‘normal’ refers to a return to a relationship where they were operating on automatic piolot. They were following a numbing routine and felt in control of things. Even though they were not in control, they felt that way and found it reassuring. The routine was ‘familiar’. We often want things that are familiar. Wanting familiar is not bad. When the familiar is the routine that set the stage for the affair or cheating, then the familiar is dangerous.
Rather than aim for ‘normal’, consider instead, to aim for healthy. Strive to have a healthy relationship with your spouse. Since we often find what we are looking for, when looking for a return to ‘normal’ is your goal, you may find yourself repeating patterns over and over. You may find yourself on an emotinal merry-go-round and wonder “How did I get here?”
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
