One part of the damage from an affair is the shame that accompanies it. Since an affair is a rejection of the person at a very personal level, the damage is felt very deep. With an affair, the spouse is treated like an object which is rejected. This treatment results in people feeling like they have lost their sexuality, their decency, and their value, even when they were not the person having the affair. The affair leaves a deep wound since it is a rejection of the spouse and who they are as a person. Rejecting something a spouse does or says is one thing, yet rejecting them on such a deep level brings intense pain at being cast aside. They often feel like they are worthless. Since the spouse left them for a tramp, they often feel like they themselves are about as valuable as a tramp.
The impact of shame remains whether or not the affair is admitted to or not. Even after the affair is out in the open, the shame remains. The issue of shame is one that will need to be worked on through counseling and healing. It is one of the hidden hurts that the adulterer often never realizes. Since what they did was between two consenting adults, that “didn’t hurt anybody” they are often oblivious to the damage that they have actually inflicted.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
