The longer I study and work with infidelity, the more I see and understand the big picture behind it. Most people assume that cheating is due to the lack of fulfillment a person receives from their relationship. Many also believe that strong emotional attachment goes hand-in-hand with infidelity. These are some of the pieces that are part of the big picture.
When you see discover an affair, it’s a major event in your life. It jumps into the focus of your attention and thinking. Once it takes over focus, it doesn’t let go for quite a while. Your mind is pre-occupied with thinking about it. The main question you ask yourself is “Why?” This question of why, leads to many more questions:
This will lead you on a quest for answers and reactions. These are normal responses that everyone has when they discover or suspect an affair.
The sensation of being betrayed is painful. For some, it’s the first time you’ve ever been through such an experience. When your betrayal is only the latest in a series of betrayals, then what I learned about the ‘big picture’ behind affair applies to your situation.
With repeat infidelity, there is a cycle that repeats over and over again.
When the affair betrayal isn’t your first rodeo, you know what it’s like being a victim. I know looking at your life events through the lens of victim and victimizer isn’t comfortable, but its necessary for healing.
Although I don’t like the sound of the words victim and victimizer, there are times that its the only way of communicating some of the ugly episodes surrounding the affair.
When the affair is part of a series of betrayal or victim events, there’s a risk that emotions and memories will be triggered and re-surface as you face some challenges you encountered before.
The longer and more difficult the road of healing is, unless you take a clue from how this scenario keeps repeating itself.
If you never mastered those victim episodes, it feels like you replaying an ugly part of your life once again. In such cases, the bonds created in those earlier episodes start choking off your emotional resilience. You don’t bounce back as well as you once did. As that happens, you may even go through shortness of breath or feel like you’re literally being choked.
Each episode you survived has attached itself to you, forming trauma bonds. Even though you don’t want them, it doesn’t stop them from attaching themselves.
Since trauma bonds build on each other, they eventually stack up against you. At such a moment, you feel overwhelmed. These trauma bonds impact you and the betrayer as well.
Trauma bonds also keep you in a state of fear and helplessness. They leave you feeling trapped in your own life. You don’t feel in control and decide to leave. When you do, another trauma bond is formed that’s similar to Stockholm Syndrome called Trauma Bonding.
The sensation of being trapped gets worse when the affair is part of a sexual addiction. When that happens, all the trauma bonds of the past start working in unison. When those bonds join, it’s overpowering.
Even though you may not remember the details of what happened to you, you remember how terrible they left you feeling. Those feelings cripple you when it comes time for confronting affairs or sexual addictions.
I want to see you progress past these problems. Yes, they are serious problems. Those serious problems need serious attention. This is why I put together my special reports on Trauma bonds and Sexual Addiction together in a combined form entitled “Bonding and Addictions.”
As much as I don’t like the fact that Sexual Addictions and Trauma Bonds are often found together, that’s one of the ugly truths about affairs. In seeing the big picture, both Trauma Bonds and Sexual Addictions are matters that began long before the affair.
Sexual addiction is a betrayal in itself. It’s not just an affair, but it becomes a betrayal to the entire family.
Being betrayed by someone you love and trust opens up old wounds and makes them bleed all over again. This doesn’t stop happening as long as trauma bonds are holding on tight to you or your betrayer.
They’ll both need attention in resolving the issues surrounding the affair so that both of you can enjoy peace once again. Those ugly parts of life can be overcome.
You’re not going crazy. Those unwanted old thoughts and behaviors are explainable. When you understand where they’re coming from, you can start reducing their influence over you.
This special report provides you with information and helps addressing these areas so that when you apply them, it helps both of you move past them and heal from them.
Click and download your copy today. Start moving out of the chains that kept holding you back.
Life can be enjoyed once again.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
