In dealing with your cheater, there will be reminders of what happened. Each of these reminders amount to an emotional hand grenade. Although the affair may be over, these reminders can send you or them or both of you into a major funk and self loathing episode. When you allow those reminders to have power over you or over the cheater, you are making matters worse. In overcoming the cheating you will need to live life one day at a time. You will need to live in the present, so that the reminder with it present day associations, not the previous ones.
You will need to disconnect the old meanings and give the reminder a new association. You will want to ‘redefine’ what the reminder means. When the reminder pops up, rather than using it as an emotional club with which to beat yourself or the cheater up with, recall that the both of you have moved past that. The reminder will only have the power you allow it to have. You may want to tell yourself, “I am glad that we are past that”.
For more on recovery from an affair, consider my e-book on “How to Survive” your partners affair, especially if you received a Kindle for Christmas.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
