I know that many of you want a way to payback the cheater. Your spouse did you wrong! They betrayed the trust you placed in them. They probably lied, they kept things from you, they broke the rules and now you want them to PAY! They may even deserve the payback that you have in mind.
IF you go ahead and pay them back, will it help the relationship? Will inflicting pain and discomfort make them want to be with you? Would you want to be around someone who puts you in pain? You know first hand what it is like to live with someone who hurt you. Since you know how bad it feels, will spreading the hurt around help them want to be with you?
The magic question to ask at this time is:
“Will it heal?”
Much like the Bledntec company has made the phrase “Will it blend?” a trademark, you need to repeat the question “Will it heal?” into your memory. Write it down. Keep it in front of you. That question will keep you from loosing your head when you begin entertaining ways of hurting without getting caught.
If you are in the situation where there is no hope of the relationship working out, then paybacks are not a risk. You will not be loosing something if you have already lost it. Although if you do the payback, it will likely lead to further alienation and estrangement. You might feel better, but it will do little to bring closure to the situation. As long as the two of you are dancing, even if it is doing the payback dance, the two of you are together. Granted the payback dance is not healthy but it is a dance that keeps the two of you hooked into each other.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
