Many spouses fantasize and idealize the ‘Playboy philosophy’ of unrestrained sex and if “it feels good, do it” approach to life. The recent story which came out about life in the Playboy mansion exposes this approach for what it really is.
In the story, former residents reveal that the conditions inside the mansion are less than ideal. They describe them as ‘grubby’, with dirty carpets, mismatched furniture, sexual control, manipulation, invasion of privacy and other actions.
In terms of real life, the mansion descriptions could best be described as grungy or filthy. On top of this, the sex is unprotected, which presents some major health issues. I don’t recall seeing reports on how many VD infections went down in the mansion, nor do I think that information will be reported.
This is part of the reality of such a lifestyle. Those women are not wives or home makers. Home makers and residents of the Playboy mansion don’t live in the same world.
Reality requires responsibility while fantasies do not. The Playboy world is one filled with sexual manipulation and control, real life is not.
I realize that this is not about affairs per se today. Even though it does not directly address affairs, the Playboy thinking is definitely a major part in the development of cheating.
While your spouse may like the sexual fantasy aspect, they would abhor the grubby surroundings with the stained carpeting and poor housekeeping.
The fantasies don’t show the diseased bodies of sexual degeneracy or botched up plastic surgery. The article does not show the used up addicts that such living produces.
The drug driven sexual activity carries with it a large price tag that few ever see. I recall meeting a woman who years before had graced adult entertainment while in her prime.
The hurting woman I talked with was then recovering from addictions and hard living. The years of taking drugs and wild sex left emotional, spiritual and physical scars that were hard to look at and deal with. She was now more repulsive than attractive.
The experience was a harsh one that I wish people could see the before and after photos in order to see what happens when you fall for the Playboy philosophy and lifestyle.
I like the article since it exposes the real life aspects of the Playboy philosophy. You may need to wake your spouse up to the ‘reality’ that comes with the Playboy lifestyle. The Playboy philosophy is popular, but you have to ask whether or not it’s what makes for a ‘good man?’
If you want to understand more about the thinking of cheater, download the ebook, “Why He Cheats“. In it you’ll find answers to your questions about the workings of their mind and the role of fantasies.
Best Regards,
Jeff
3 Responses
You should read Alfred Kinsey’s reports on the sexual behavior of Americans. One was published in 1948, the other in 1953. One of the most shocking conclusions Kinsey drew, from his research of over 6000 women and 6000 men, was that 50% of men and 10% of women had been involved in at least one extramarital affair (this at a time when female sexuality was greatly oppressed). Another interesting discovery, was that 46% of males had reported having a homosexual experience in their lifetime. The report was subject to great controversy and scrutiny, so other reports were done on the topic. These reports drew almost exactly the same conclusions on each subject.
Kinsey’s report was done at a time where divorce rates were increasing, and America was concerned about the safety of the American Family. Kinsey was despised for his research, because nobody wanted to hear it. But in fact, a brief look into any part of human history will reveal our taboo sexual nature. Ancient Greek men would often take young boys into their homes to prepare them for manhood. In exchange, the boys would perform sexual favors. This was more than common. Roman society encouraged males to explore bisexuality before deciding which sex they wanted to settle down with. Prostitution was one of, if not the most, powerful industries in Roman society, as well as throughout human history. Husbands would regularly seek the company of prostitutes, and wives were also allowed openness in sexual pursuits.
The modern disgust for open sexuality has really been generated by the Judeo-Christian-Islamic religious mindset. Quite frankly, it is a belief system that is both unsophisticated and ineffective. While I encourage monogamy, decency, and stability, it is also important that we do not oppress carnal desires absolutely. There is always a backlash. It is completely unfair and unsupported to claim that the Playboy Philosophy has contributed to the development of cheating or any other social degradation. All it has done is given it a platform for it to come into public debate. It has removed sexuality from the shadows of oppression, to the field of intellectual discourse. Even if Mr. Hefner is guilty of a hedonistic, drug influenced lifestyle, he, and followers of his Philosophy, are not the only people guilty of this, or capable of committing this. This lifestyle exists in all fields, not just adult entertainment. Politics, sports, media; even religious leaders, who are proponents of the moral lifestyle you seem to advocate, are guilty of this (lest we not forget the pedophilia scandals of the church, or the hidden gay, crystal-meth abusing lifestyle of Pastor Ted Haggard).
In summation, I don’t feel you have approached this topic from a neutral standpoint. It seems that you have your own belief system, and the article you read confirms it. While I don’t claim to have all the answers, I think the best way to get them is through and all-encompassing, unbiased approach in which all things are open to discussion. Even the Playboy Philosophy is just one side of the argument, but it was the side that was silenced for too long. You may still be correct in your opinion, but the only way to know for sure is to look at all the evidence, not just a piece of it. And unfortunately for you, the evidence is overwhelmingly not in your favor
Sincerely Yours,
Droppin’ knowledge for days
The Kid
The Kid,
Thank you for your comments. You covered a lot of ground. I have narrowed my comments to respond to the Kinsey report and then address my approach.
I have read the Kinsey reports and have to reject the findings based on the flaws in how they did the research. Their findings have been used to rationalize and excuse many aberrations. Since the research was flawed, the applications made based upon in were flawed as well. The research did lead to many changes in peoples behavior. Many of the Kinsey driven changes have not been beneficial. I have seen more people seduced into destructive sexuality than I have seen benefiting from applying those flawed findings to their lives.
You are correct when you say that I have not approached the topic from a neutral standpoint. I do have my own belief standards that I follow. When it comes to marriage and affairs, I am not neutral. Even the Kinsey reports were constructed in such a manner that there could be no neutrality. The Playboy philosophy has been destructive to many marriages and lives. I want to help people through affairs and help restore marriages. The Playboy Philosophy is not conducive to those goals from what I have seen and read. Historically, the hedonism has not improved civilizations, but rather destroyed families and the civilizations themselves.