Anytime I hear the phrase “That’s Sick!” my mind stalls momentarily. Having grown up when I did, referring to something as being sick meant is was unhealthy or twisted in some way. This phrase has grown more and more popular over the years, with no sign of people stopping their use.
The weird twist is that in today’s culture when something is referred to as ‘sick’ it means that it’s something good or amazing.
Why is this? What’s wrong with referring to something as sick being bad, or even that it’s twisted in some way?
Typically when someone got sick at school, it meant either danger or revolting puddles were left in the hallways. Getting sick was not something you desired or looked forward to.
In today’s modern culture the phrase is a statement of approval or wonder. When something catches modern people’s attention in an exceptional way, they proclaim “That’s sick!”
This leaves my mind pulled in two directions. Part of me wants to look at what’s being referred to and the other part wants to avoid looking at it.
The same phrase can indicate both the highest form of praise and fear.
Since the old meaning is what I’m most accustomed to, I still view references to something being sick as being unhealthy. So when I tell couples their relationship is ‘sick’, it is truly beyond dysfunctional. Something has gone from being occasionally unhealthy to habitually unhealthy.
Sick relationships typically have unhealthy patterns going on. Despite the unhealthy patterns, the couple finds ways of continuing on in it, even though its not good for either of them. Some have been in the sick relationship so long they don’t know any different. They’ve become desensitized to the unhealthy aspect of their relationship. It amounts to them getting to the point where the dysfunction no longer registers as being bad.
You can grow accustomed to sick relationships. You stay in them due to some need being met. You may have never even questioned whether the need itself was healthy or unhealthy, you just know it’s there.
The longer you stay in a sick marriage relationship, you lose the ability to tell the difference between what’s sick and what’s healthy. The lines blur due to needs and pain that surround you.
There’s also a high correlation between sick marriage relationships and affairs. When your marriage relationship is sick you may recognize it, yet feel powerless to do anything about it.
Two of the biggest factors I think make marriages sicker are trauma bonding and sexual addictions. Each of these drives people into relationships and situations they never thought possible. You may end up staying in a marriage for reasons the same as those who get caught up in an affair.
If that wasn’t bad enough, sick marriage relationships consume your mind and heart such that you lose sight of what’s healthy.
Even though they’re unpleasant to face, the reality is that these problems are real. Not only are they real, they won’t go away by overlooking, excusing or ignoring them.
Like peanut butter and jelly, trauma bonds and sexual addictions are typically found in the same marriage. These are the forces that keep you and your spouse locked in unhealthy patterns.
In order to help those struggling with sick patterns in your marriage, I’ve put together a report entitled “Bonding and Addictions” which addresses the topics of trauma bonds and sexual addictions.
You can only change what you’re aware of. If you’ve grown blind to trauma bonds it’s challenging to do anything about them.
There are things you can do that make your marriage healthier. You don’t have to live a desperate existence in a sick marriage. The report guides you in dealing with these unhealthy forces that are keeping you and your marriage sick.
Click and download your copy today. You don’t have to stay in unhealthy relationships.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
