On reading the story of the man in Pinellas County, Florida who poured ketchup on his cheating girlfriend my mind jumped to the bedroom surprise in the Godfather. In the Florida situation, the woman woke up covered in ketchup.
Being covered in ketchup is better than waking up to a horse head or worse. This outcome is mild compared to the reactions of many spouses to infidelity.
Back in 2017, when a wife discovered her husband cheating while on a flight, proceeded throwing wine bottles at him. The incident eventually involved the stewardesses and others. The fight escalated out of control.
Throwing wine bottles is way more dangerous than pouring ketchup on cheaters. You may have even considered worse yourself.
Having a desire for revenge is common with affairs. The pressure of the emotions held inside and sudden break of trust is often explosive.
When I’ve talked with those who throw or pour things, they claim experiencing a feeling of relief. For them it was cathartic.
The problem with those kind of catharsis acts is that they’re not a long term solution to affair. It gives a sudden release, but the relief has a short-term duration. Eventually you’ll run out of ketchup and wine bottles.
Those solutions deal with the effects of the affair and not the root problems leading to the affair. This is one of the problems with focusing on the surface symptoms. When you focus on the surface problems, it may look like you are doing something, but little has actually changed in your marriage.
In my video on “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions” I guide you in making changes in how the two of you talk to and deal with each other. You don’t have to resort to ketchup and wine bottles in expressing your hurt and shock.
There are better ways of opening up communication between the two of you. There are ways of building closeness and connection rather than pushing your spouse away.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
