In my videos and ebooks, one of the topics I cover is the importance of questions. Your questions mold and shape your thinking and the direction you head toward. This is one of the reasons they are so important to consider.
Asking questions is a vital part of the discovery process as you are going through affair recovery. With each answer you gain a fuller picture of your situation, which in term helps you make decisions about your options.
Given the importance of questions in your recovery from the affair, it’s important that you also consider your motivation behind your questions. Consider whether you are using your questions to bring healing and a greater understanding of things or are you using them for self-destructive and vengeful purposes.
A question I received the other day was, “Why do men have years with their affair partner?”
First, the questioner watered down her concern. Rather than ask “Why did my husband have years with his affair partner?” she instead used the general term ‘men’. In asking about ‘men’ she is seeking a global answer to what is a specific area.
Let me give part of the answer, ‘the reason for having years with the affair partner’ is a case by case situation. There is no global answer to that concern.
When you ask questions that are too general, it can make them unanswerable. Asking more specific questions will increase the ability to find an answer.
Secondly, ‘why’ questions essentially look for who to blame. If you want to understand this situation, consider changing it to ‘how’. The question, “How did my husband have years with his affair partner?” is answerable.
Although all questions are important, not all are answerable. Asking the unanswerable questions only creates noise and generates fights. Answerable questions, on the other hand open up new possibilities.
Asking answerable questions is critical in working through affair issues. You may not be getting specific answers due to the unspecific questions you’re asking. This is a habit that is correctable. You can change the questions you ask.
In my video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting People, Healing Questions“, I go deeper into this subject. If you want to know more about what kinds of questions to consider, click and download the video.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
