When I come across thought provoking quotes and statements I often spend hours or days considering them. One that caught my attention is from St. Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians. In it he states “…for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
At first, the passage struck me as odd and puzzling. The “things which are seen are temporal” seems to be describing the physical world, of which we have some control. On the other hand, “…but the things which are not seen are eternal” seems to describe an invisible realm that is out of our reach.
On thinking through it, I realized that it has applications for relationships. I realized a truism in it.
That truism is “What’s not seen in relationships is more real and more powerful that what’s seen.” it’s often our past, fears and memories that impact relationships more than tangible things like gifts.
From the book “Unique” by Dr. Judith Sills:
“[The apostle Paul] was telling us that what is not visible is more reassuring than what is visible, because what is invisible has to do with eternity and love which are beyond comprehension.”
What’s not seen in relationships is more real. Those not seen things pull on our mind and emotions.
As counselor, I have witnessed the power of those ‘unseen’ influences. You may have personally wrestled with those unseen influences for years. It is one of those unseen forces that I want to mention today.
Many couples find discussions of their relationship challenging. They avoid it or minimize such discussions. One reason is that they are scary. Such discussions leave you vulnerable. In real relationships, both the partners need to know that their thoughts and feelings are respected.
The reasons for this is because in a marriage or long term relationship, you have been known by your partner’s intimately. It’s probably safe to say that you have revealed yourself at your best and worse moments.
Another reason is that couples don’t know what to talk about or how to start such conversations.
If you’ve been brave enough to have one of those talks, you likely touched on some of those unseen influences and its impact. The one I want to bring to your awareness forms ‘the greatest barrier in relationships’.
The therapist Robert Ackerman said it best. “The greatest barrier in relationships is the inability to receive.” Being able to receive is definitely unseen. Although unseen, you know when you’ve encountered this barrier in your marriage.
Being able to give and receive is an important part of any relationship. Like breathing air, you need the abilities of giving and receiving for a healthy marriage.
This is why I have sequenced the “Affair Recovery Workshop” in a unique manner. If you tried discussing those unseen forces in your marriage right away, you’ll either encounter a wall or be ignored. Those kind of discussions have to be worked up to. There are steps you need to take prior to having such talks in a way that changes things.
There are things you need to have in place before your spouse will open up to you. Wanting them to open up without these items in place is a recipe for disaster.
Going through affair recovery in the right sequence makes a HUGE difference. Doing recovery out of sequence only brings more frustrations and fighting. With all the frustration, you become a ticking time bomb of emotions and the hurts fester longer.
Rather than spending another day wrestling with those unseen forces, you can start doing something about them now. Order the “Affair Recovery Workshop” and be the starting point of change in your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
