In dealing with affairs, I’ve been asked many challenging questions. Some are challenging based on the level of pain involved, others are challenging based on their yuk factor. The subject of those are so upsetting or slimy, they are uncomfortable to even consider.
One of the challenging questions is whether or not you as a betrayed spouse should pray for the lover. This is one of the questions that gets touchy quick.
The strongest negative reactions to emails I receive concern the lover and posts where I look at the situation from their perspective. The reactions let me know that this is a sensitive area.
From the reactions readers don’t want to consider the lover’s perspective at all.
Although I firmly believe in prayer and the power of it in changing people and relationships, when it comes to affairs and praying for the lover, things get murky. There are multiple reasons for this.
First, many people don’t know how to pray, let alone what to pray concerning the lover. It’s hard to pray for anything that doesn’t sound like revenge.
With affairs, your spouse and yourself need prayer first, before the lover does. Focus on praying for your marriage BEFORE you consider praying for the lover. I know about praying for your enemies. What many forget is their attitude in doing so.
Secondly, a tougher question focuses on what to pray for. With each affair having different issues, what you should pray for varies widely.
It’s also worth considering the motivation behind the praying. Praying with the wrong motivation or as a substitute for action brings you into a whole new dimension of hurt and alienation.
You can always pray that the lover loses interest in your spouse or that their ways are hedged with thorns.
Another challenge is that modern society places more emphasis on being nice to each other ahead of truth or doing right. That puts you in an emotional and moral bind when it comes to prayer.
Prayer changes things. The wrong kind of prayer can bring unwanted changes in direction of things in your marriage or your attitude. It’s important that you know what you’re doing in using this option.
I find that it’s more imperative that you deal with forgiveness BEFORE considering the prayer option. This is why in dealing with affairs, I recommend settling the forgiveness issue before praying for the lover.
In the video on forgiveness entitled “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”, you can know how to do the important work before tackling other challenges.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
