In talking with couples about affairs, I see a wide range of reactions. Given the many emotions and passions stirred up by infidelity, it’s no surprise.
Some affairs come across as hurting on a deeper level than other affairs. I’m not sure if they hurt more than other infidelity but they sure carry a deeper experience of betrayal.
The affairs I’m referring to are the long term affairs. There’s something about discovering you’ve been living a lie on a long term basis that hurts on a deep level.
I recall one wife proclaiming “I don’t have to stay in this marriage after his long term affair!” Her statement had a defiant tone to it.
She was correct in stating that she didn’t have to stay. In such a circumstance, making her stay would come across like a prison sentence.
I encouraged her to consider her options. She has the choice of whether to stay or not.
At moments like this, you’re filled with emotions and just want fast solutions that reduce your pain. It’s at such times, your emotions cloud your thinking.
The hurt and anger make it hard, if not impossible to see anything worth salvaging from such a marriage. You feel like you lose if you stay and you lose something else if you go.
You may even want to hurt them the way they hurt you. At such times, there are lawyers that will be glad to find ways of hurting them on your behalf, for a fee.
Hurting them isn’t going to fix you or your marriage. Likewise, leaving them isn’t going to make the pain go away either.
You’ve invested many years into your marriage. It hurts that that dedication wasn’t reciprocated. Anytime you put more into a relationship than the other person, you’re going to feel taken advantage of.
Waking up to being taken advantage of brings angry reactions to the surface. This goes back to the unfairness of what happened. What occurred wasn’t fair or right.
Now you face the question of what you’re going to do about it. You don’t have to stay in the marriage, but you do still have to deal with him.
Since you’re still going to be dealing with him, it will benefit you to take steps to address the affair issues and improve communication between the two of you as well.
This is where the Affair Recovery Workshop can help. You can order, download and begin applying the material within a few minutes. You can still learn ways of getting past his defenses and keeping yourself together in the mess of the affair.
Ending a marriage doesn’t end the relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
