After living with someone for an extended period of time, you learn their ways. This is especially true if you’ve had times where you don’t get along with them.
You learn when they’re lying, when they’re angry and when they are being playful. If you don’t learn those things, you end up getting caught up in endless unnecessary conflicts.
Although you know the tells associated with their lying, others miss them. This is one of those truths that sank in when I was being sued by a family member.
Initially I considered their claims bogus and false. The whole legal matter I viewed as a frivolous law suit. Although I saw it as frivolous, one lawyer didn’t.
He had dollar signs in his eyes and was willing to sell his reputation to the highest bidder. The family member said things happened in a particular way.
He took the viewpoint that since she said it, it must be so.
When it came time for depositions, she told some bald faced lies. I saw all the tells of her knowing she was lying. She was blinking her eyes, avoiding eye contact, touching her nose and more.
Although I saw the signals alerting me to her lying, the lawyers didn’t. What she said was taken as gospel truth.
At that moment, I realized going to court isn’t about finding ‘the truth’ but rather who has the better story. Her lies made for quite a story.
In a similar manner, if you find yourself in court, don’t count on the cheater telling the truth. Also, the court is not concerned with digging for the truth. They want the most believable story.
They lied about the affair. What makes you think they wouldn’t lie about your parenting in order to gain custody?
They’ve already shown disregard for the most sacred bond in their life. What makes you assume they won’t lie to a judge or lawyer?
These are questions that you need to consider in affair situations when they progress to the courtroom. They’re unpleasant, but necessary when you are in these situations.
That kind of lying leaves you distrusting them, the courts, judges and even the Almighty. You feel like everything and everyone is untrustworthy and they don’t care about the truth.
Feeling that way is a sure sign or tell that you are going through some trust issues. In the video “How can I trust you again?” I deal with these concerns.
You may never want to trust the cheater, but you do need to trust yourself and some special other people in your life. Rather than walking around distrusting everyone, take the steps needed in knowing how to trust again.
You’re going to need some trust in learning to live again.
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Keeping It Real,
Jeff
