If you believe the movies, romance novels and ads, you would falsely believe that having an affair is an accepted behavior in today’s society. It would also leave you assuming that affairs are more common place than they are.
The danger is that when you fall for these lies, you will find out first-hand about the ‘affair stigma‘.
You may assume that the affair stigma is limited to those church-going types opposed to affairs. Yes, there are many church going types opposed to affairs and speak out against them. There are also many of these types that hold to the idea that once you cheat, that your marriage is ‘over’.
The stigma is so strong in such circles that those who cheat are treated like lepers where they are avoided. If you or your spouse cheated, you are at risk of being ostracized.
Other couples are afraid to associate with those who had affairs out of fears that the ‘affair germs’ may spread and infect their own marriage. They fear that the ‘bad influence’ of an affair may infect their marriage.
I want to assure you that your marriage does not have to end because of an affair. Your marriage can survive the affair and heal from ‘the affair stigma‘.
The affair stigma is also very much alive in political and business circles as well. In some ways, it is encouraged. When people in these circles encourage affairs, there is often a reason for it.
Although there are many spouses who cheat, you soon discover that knowledge is power. Those who know about the cheating will use it to hang over you. The affair becomes a form of blackmail keeping you under control. At that point, your own fears work against you.
You may find that knowledge of your affair or your spouse’s affair is used against you. They do not see an affair as the end of your marriage. On the contrary, they want you to stay married, so that they can use the affair against you.
Pictures, recordings and other incriminating evidence are used for additional leverage. They may have even set you up in an affair situation so that they would have the incriminating leverage. If it sounds like blackmail, …that is because it is.
Serious con-artists have long known how they can use affairs to leverage their marks. They know that affairs have a stigma, and also know how to use the pain of that stigma to motivate their marks to do what they want them to do. It may be giving them money, forcing you to back down on some issue, or buying your silence.
The stigma is also very much alive when it comes to advertising as well. Although same-sex marriage, and other issues are now openly talked about, affairs are still considered ‘an adult’ topic.
In advertising circles, when you discuss affairs or helping people overcome affairs, you are considered an ‘adult item’ and relegated to the same category as adult sex toys. I have experienced this with Google and with facebook.
Even when I tried explaining to them, that I help people overcome affairs, they don’t listen. Instead, they continue treating me like a sex toy peddler and the restrictions that go with it.
As wild as it seems, I’ve encountered more difficulties speaking out against affairs and helping others overcome affairs than I would have encountered if I used profanities and encouraged immoral profligacy such as open marriage.
This is part of the stigma. You can encourage certain behavior, yet once it happens, the stigma kicks in. Whether it comes in the form of shame, ostracizing, culling from the herd, or blowback, the stigma is alive and well. No matter how much you hear about open-ness of communication, when it comes to affairs, it is still considered a hush-hush topic.
The stigma is very much alive and well in social media circles. If you ‘like’ a service such as this one focused on helping people overcome affairs, you may find others making assumptions about whether you had an affair or your spouse had one.
It puts those of you who are hurting it a tough spot. If you reach out for help, you experience the stigma. Just the fear of this stigma keeps many of you from ‘liking’ or asking the questions that you really want to ask. This means that many of you will have to act like secretive trolls, using fake names and identities in search of the help and answers you are looking for.
An affair does not make you less of a man or woman because it happened. It is the stigma that leaves you feeling that way.
You can make it past the affair. You can make it past the stigma. The affair stigma occurs across society. Each social circle has its own variation of the stigma. I have many resources designed for helping you past this.
In order to move past the stigma, you have to decide that your desire for an improved marriage is more powerful than the affair stigma. If the stigma is more powerful than your desire for an improved marriage, it wins and your marriage loses.
Moving past the stigma means saying “no” to self-centered fears. You’ll have to consider the relationship more important than yourself. The power of the stigma comes from when you consider yourself and your reactions more important than your marriage relationship.
The Solution? That’s why I created the “Affair Recovery Workshop“, where I show you ways of moving past the affair, with your self, your spouse, your family and others.
Best Regards,
Jeff
