When bad things happen in my life, there’s always a time of soul searching that goes with it. In my own life I look for answers to what happened.
During this search I look at what I did or didn’t do. I also explore what contributed to the bad event happening. In some ways, I want to know ‘why’ something happened.
Initially, I seek someone or something to blame. It’s not that blaming solves anything. Although it doesn’t fix it, knowing who or what caused the bad event brings a little peace of mind.
During this search I look at what I did or didn’t do. I also explore what contributed to the bad event happening.
Initially, I seek someone or something to blame. It’s not that blaming solves anything. Although it doesn’t fix it, knowing who or what caused the bad event brings a little peace of mind. When I move past the blaming, I start search for more understanding. It’s when I search for understanding rather than blame that things start making sense.
When affairs happen, there is a time of soul searching. You look for answers that could explain what happened.
One of the items related to affairs is the lack of faithfulness. Although it’s not mentioned much in pop culture, it’s an important piece that’s often overlooked.
I believe this is largely due to the fact that in our culture we focus on sex when it comes to affairs. Instead, we need to consider ‘unfaithfulness’ as a part of the equation.
So what does unfaithfulness mean?
It means that someone is violating their promises, and not remaining loyal to their spouse at all costs.
You may even wonder where unfaithfulness comes from. I know I have.
I was struck by a statement from my father. he was convinced that “One of the primary contributors to divorce among Christian couples today is the fact that most pastors are not being faithful to their churches.” He continued elaborating on how they move from church to church, becoming a role model for unfaithfulness. Rather than stay with one church or congregation, they move on toward larger numbers and better pay.
It’s the same old story of looking for greener pastures rather than staying loyal to your first commitment.
I think there is a lot of truth in what he said.
When we look at the scriptures, it’s easy to see that unfaithfulness was something looked upon with disdain.
When a pastor goes from church to church seeking a better position or more money, they aren’t being faithful to their first church. With that as an example, what kind of role modeling is it for parishioners who go from spouse to spouse seeking more money or better social position?
Is there much of a difference?
When your pastor role models unfaithfulness, is it any wonder that many marriages like yours, struggles with unfaithfulness? It’s not that people have no faith, they put faith in the wrong thing.
Cheaters put faith in themselves as a way of ‘fixing’ themselves. They look to the affair as their solution to their perceived problems.
In the download, “Affair Recovery Workshop” I go into what needs repairing in relationships. Re-establishing faithfulness toward each other is an important part of the healing.
Talking about faithfulness is touchy. In the workshop, I guide you with ways of opening up communication in a way where these topics can be addressed.
You may know what you want changed, but aren’t sure where to start. The workshop guides you in pointing out where to start and what needs to be in place in your marriage to start having such conversations.
You may not have considered ‘faithfulness’ in your soul searching. You want it, but do you know ways of improving it?
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
