It’s quite a shock coming home and discovering your home has been broken into. When that happened to us, whole new sensations hit me. Along with feeling violated by what happened, our home felt ‘different’. An event occurred that changed how everything felt.
Seeing the contents of our drawers emptied and closets ransacked in my bedroom was especially upsetting. It was a special place where I thought I was protected from the world. My inner sanctum was violated. In a few brief moments life twisted around. It was difficult to accept at the time.
In cleaning up the mess, we took photos and listed all the stolen items. Making the list took a while, since many of the items we based on recall and receipts. Between us, we compiled a thorough list of everything taken, except one.
The unlisted item is one was the most troubling. The unlisted item was ‘peace of mind’. The peace of mind I once enjoyed was now gone. For a while, I scoured pawn shops and jewelry stores looking for what once belonged to us. When it comes to peace of mind, there is no pawnshop where you can recover that.
With affairs, you lose the peace of mind you once had with your spouse. That special ‘inner sanctum’ relationship has been violated. The contents of your heart and head have been tossed out and scattered around. Someone has ransacked your marriage and taken moments that didn’t belong to them.
Many of us learn to live with little bits of fear here and there. We fear the dark, someone breaking into our home, or even worse some child molester grabbing our kids. Living with fear is not good for you. It eats away at your insides until it leaves you cold and wounded inside.
With burglaries, the discomfort eventually settles down and you return to normal everyday life. With an affair, the ‘return to normal’ never comes. An event happened that changed your marriage. You and your spouse may be in the same room, yet the relationship the two of you shared eludes you.
With affairs, the nagging fear of ‘what if it happens again?’ and ‘will I ever feel safe with my spouse again?’ and ‘am I really the love of their lives or is it another lie?’ run through your head day and night. You may even find yourself getting paranoid when friends and family members are friendly with your spouse.
When your peace of mind is stolen, you begin seeing threats where there are no threats. You turn little things into big things. There is a dis-ease going through your daily routine. You question everyone and their motives for doing what they do, if only in your own mind. You know better than to tell them you don’t trust them, even though you don’t.
And you know what? This can happen to any one of us. I’m not immune to break-ins and distrust. And neither are you. but, you can try preventing distrust. To see what I recommend on rebuilding trust, check out the video, ‘How Can I Trust You Again?‘
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
