Today, I want to talk to you about your conscience. The conscience is an important part of recovering from an affair and its effects on your marriage.
I think you’ll agree with me when I say that the majority of affairs are contrary to people’s consciences. Something deep inside of us tells us it is wrong, and we even often know in advance how the affair will end (with devastating consequences for our marriages).
It continues amazing me how many spouses wonder why the cheater conscience isn’t bothering them while ignoring their own conscience. It’s easier complaining about your spouse’s conscience than dealing with your own. So, let’s talk about your conscience.
In my practice I have noticed that there are things people think they can get away with and some things they know they can’t.
The issue of dealing with conscience is a concern for both of you. Both of you will benefit from dealing with conscience related issues.
Each of you needs a clear conscience concerning how you treat each other, talk to each other and address the issues surrounding the affair. You need to consider your own conscience as much as you do theirs.
When your conscience isn’t clear, it impacts how you see the affair, each other and the needs each of you have. An unclear conscience functions like a damaged windshield, it how it obstructs your ability to see things clearly.
Many couple struggle with affair related issues longer than they need to. They also assume that ending the affair will bring all the closure that’s needed.
Ending the affair is only part of what needs to happen. You also need to work on your own individuality, self-esteem and identity. Your ability to face issues that came up during the affair will determine your future happiness.
Ending the affair is an important step, yet building intimacy with a clear conscience toward each other is when I consider the affair and its effects finally being over.
Long after the affair is over, the unresolved issues fester and build resentments. The hidden secrets and fantasies cloud your conscience. They sink into your heart and head.
Each of you have resentments and hidden things that interfere with what your marriage could be. Clearing the conscience towards each other allows each of you to be fully transparent with each other.
One of the obstacles keeping that from happening is the lack of forgiveness. Some of you may have partially forgiven. Partial forgiveness means that it’s not fully forgiven.
There’s many reasons for partial forgiveness. Whatever the reason, its keeping barriers between the two of you and impacting your conscience.
In my video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” you’ll find ways of starting the process of gaining a clear conscience. Forgiveness is an important part of regaining a clear conscience.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
