A study came out recently that sheds light on whether or not your marriage was already in the danger zone before the affair happened. The study is entitled “The Implications for Sociosexuality for Marital Satisfaction and Dissolution”.
Although the title is quite a mouthful, let me remind you that academics use words that confuse the everyday consumers. My translation is “The impact of casual sex on your marriage and potential for divorce”.
The study looked at 204 newlywed couples over a long period of time in making their findings. One of the authors said “..what we found is that when, prior to marriage, one or both spouses hold generalized beliefs that uncommitted sex is okay, that can contribute to the failure of a marriage”.
In other words, casual sex and being supportive of casual sex puts your marriage in a danger zone. Note the wording, it’s not just whether you’ve had casual sex, it also includes the attitude of approving of casual sex.
Although the two of you may think that it’s more freeing, it carries the danger of leading to marital dissatisfaction as well. This means that the old “Playboy mentality” is dangerous to your marriage.
The study definitely raises eyebrows. Although I never did a formal study in this area, I made some observations. One was that in my 35+ years of counseling, there is strong evidence backing these findings.
I only worked with two couples with marriage problems where the casual sex attitudes weren’t involved. Think about that.
It’s not just affairs threatening your marriage, it’s also your own attitudes.
In seeing hundreds of clients for marital problems, a vast majority of the couples experiencing problems shared one common factor. That factor was their attitude toward casual or uncommitted sex.
The attitude translated to major communication issues. Those problems can be overcome with effort and clear direction. The attitudes of you and your spouse may be the back story to the affair that you were never aware of.
If you need help in overcoming issues like this, some slots opened up in my schedule. Contact me via email to check times and availability.
Your marriage may still be in the danger zone and you’re unaware of the threats you are at risk of.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
