Affairs with addicts present some trying challenges. With addicts, be they sex addicts or love addicts, you’re never enough.
You never will be. The addict wants MORE. Their needs are a bottomless hole, you will never satisfy, no matter how much you change.
Addicts don’t have relationships, they take hostages.
They hook you on many levels. They use interactions to trap, not to talk. Works, relationships, sex, etc, are all tools they use to trap and exploit.
Escaping An Addictive Affair Relationship <<– listen to the audio here
Hello, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. I’m glad that you are here today. Thank you for tuning in. The topic we will be looking at today is escaping an addicted affair relationship.
I mention that one because affairs with addicts always present some very trying challenges. Because with addicts, whether they be sex addicts or love addicts, you’re never going to be enough.
Many times they have you feeling as if “they need me, I can fix them.” But the reality is you will never be enough.
Affairs with addicts always present some trying challenges
Yet, in the relationship, you feel like you are tied in and you feel many times like you can’t escape. When I’m working with addicts I often point out that addicts don’t have relationships, they take hostages.
And you’re going to find yourself feeling like that in these types of relationships. Because the addicts are always going to want more.
Their needs amount to a bottomless hole that you’ll never be able to satisfy, no how much you change. No matter how much sexual activity you engage in, no matter how much love you give them, it will never be enough.
These addicts are very skilled at hooking people into relationships. They have likely hooked you. And when they hook you, they often hook you on several levels at the same time, to where you feel like “I have to stay in the relationship.” Now, bear in mind that they use these many different levels and these hooks to keep you in the relationship.
Interactions are designed to trap
Any time that they interact with you is potentially dangerous. Each interaction is designed to trap. Like for instance, if you tried to leave the relationship they’ll always but we need to talk about this, we need to talk about that.
You’re going to have to wake up to the fact that they are not designed to improve communication. They are designed to trap.
They use words, relationships, sex, all these things for an addict are tools that they will use to trap and exploit. And they’re very skilled at it. Over the years, because of their sense of desperation, they have learned very well how to hook people and how to keep them hooked.
Run, Remove and Keep on Running
In terms of a solution, the solution is to run, remove, and keep on running. RRR.
Run, remove, and keep on running.
1. Run. In terms of ending a relationship, sooner is better than later. Especially if you’re dealing with an addict. Leave the relationship now.
Waiting until the time is right, or until you get your belongings back, or until something else happens, is never a good idea.
When you’re dealing with an addict they will keep you hooked in as long as they can and they will use your property, they will use anything else, to keep you hooked into the relationship.
They intentionally keep some of your belongings, keep things that have value for you, in their clutches so that they can keep you hooked into the relationship.
Because keep in mind, they are there to take hostages. They are not there to have a healthy relationship.
2. Remove the hooks after you escape. Once you cut off the relationship, then you can work on pulling the hooks out. Getting you to talk, getting you to meet, getting you to see each other once again, this is all part of their plan of keeping you connected to them.
Get out of there. Now. And then you can start removing all these hooks, and taking away all these strings that they have attached to the relationship and attached to you that keep you coming back. That’s when you can start neutralizing all these different little ploys that they use to keep you.
3. Don’t look back, followup, or go back for your things. The addict is counting on you doing those things. This is part of ensnaring you. Your freedom is more important than these things.
Not all lovers will fall into the category of being addicts, but if you are in a relationship with an addict, or your spouse is, take action now.
It may sound extreme to say your life depends on it, but I don’t think that that is too extreme. It may be your emotional welfare, it may be your physical welfare, it may be your spiritual welfare. But your welfare and your life is at stake in some dimension.
For that reason you need to get out now.
In terms of escaping an addicted affair relationship, the points that I presented, these are items that you need to take action on now. This is a place to start because this is not a situation that you can wait till things get better, because they’re not going to get better. You need to take action now.
For more questions about affairs, the ebook “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” addresses the most common questions. Rather than waiting for answers, get yours and get started on changing things today.
Best Regards,
Jeff
