One of the dangerous mindsets that spell disaster in the aftermath of affairs is “all or none” type of thinking. With such a mindset, one of the spouses assumes a demanding posture where they insist that the wayfaring spouse be 100% in the marriage or ‘get out’. Along with the 100% commitment, that spouse often includes hidden demands of a sexual nature as well. This type of thinking forces the other spouse to be thrown into a relationship with their partner rather than wanting to be in the relationship. It creates a situation where the marriage is held together by needs and threats rather than commitment, compassion and love. The “All or None” mindset often forces people’s hands into the relationship. Yes, they may decide to stay in the relationship, but that does not mean that their heart is committed to relationship. Demanding that your spouse do things may initially get you what you want, yet in the long run, it alienates them from you.
In the aftermath of an affair, what is needed is understanding, NOT making demands that often carry with them veiled threats.
If you want to know about other behaviors and mindsets to avoid, you will find more in the “Affair Recovery System”. Learning what NOT to do can help you avoid costly mistakes that often have large emotional and financial price tags.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
