There are times when my elected officials make me laugh. These funniest times aren’t when she is telling jokes or trying to be funny.
Instead, I laugh at when she attempts serious interventions. She is sincere in her efforts which makes her interventions preposterous.
Her latest strategy involved an incident concerning the local school district. Instead of confronting the issue at hand directly, she advocated a work around using her position for pressuring the district to not let opposition opinions dominate the conversation.
Her pressure came in the form of a letter with what I call ‘mushy’ words and work-arounds.
If I took such an approach in dealing with affairs, my message would be confused if not lost. If I stated something like “Let’s consider each of your needs and move forward without putting an undue emphasis on the anti-affair voices.”
Such an approach avoids hurting feelings to the point of losing it’s impact. With using double negatives and non-confrontational speak, her real messages gets lost.
When dealing with affairs, I’ve learned the importance of being clear and direct. I make it clear that affairs are morally wrong. They threaten your marriage and your emotional health.
Affairs damage your children’s well-being. Although the betrayer may have had no intention of hurting you or the children, it does.
I’ve learned that in dealing with affairs, your communication needs to be clear. When it’s ambiguous or filled with double-meanings, those listening take the meaning not intended.
Taking indirect or work around approaches don’t work well with couples. They may work in politics, but not in marriage.
When communication isn’t clear, it allows the affair and the thinking behind the affair to continue. Affairs thrive in an atmosphere of miscommunication.
When it comes time for ‘moving forward’, it’s essential being clear on what each of you want regarding recovery from the affair. Whether it means a restoration of your marriage, re-negotiation of your marriage or some other option.
It’s also essential for boundaries to be clear. Your spouse needs to know in no uncertain terms what will and won’t be accepted.
When boundaries are violated, it’s not time for discussing how you’re hurt or offended at what they said. Your communication needs to be clear and direct. When it’s not clear, it’s ignored.
If your communication needs improvement, you’ll benefit from the video, “Let’s talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”. It guides you in applying techniques designed for improving your marital communication.
Instead of your messages getting lost, there are things you can do that get them to listen to you. There are ways of sending your message that breaks through their mental defenses.
Order your copy today and start changing the communication in your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
