As much as I despise people being forced into affairs, it happens. Although it’s easy blaming the cheater for affairs, when facing forced affairs, the rules change. What changes things is the use of force. When force is used for people to have their way, blame for an affair changes.
The first forced affair I dealt with concerned a 17-year old woman whose family had arranged a marriage for. My initial impression was, “This is Texas! It’s the 1980’s, not the Middle Ages!” Although the idea of arranged marriages has some Biblical precedents, the whole idea of a ‘forced’ marriage rubbed me wrong.
The woman was forced to marry a man who was older than her. He was wealthy and influential, but this did not make up for the fact that he treated her terribly. She wanted to break from him, but she had nowhere to turn. He kept her isolated and unwilling to seek out help.
To make a long story short, it took some creativity, but the girl ended up not being forced into matrimony at that time.
Now working exclusively with affairs, I didn’t expect encountering forced situations again, and was wrong. With some regularity, I encounter the situation. In some cases, husbands ‘force’ their wives into having affairs. In these situations the hubby is doing it for his own pleasure.
There are husbands who forcibly ‘share’ their wife as a way of paying off their debts. In such cases, they resort to some variation of guilt or obedience. At those times, their idea of ‘submission’ shares commonality with S&M.
There are also some swinger situations where one spouse ‘forces’ the other into things or where one of the other couples has a predatory mindset and forces themselves on a spouse without ‘permission’.
Although the specifics of forced affairs may differ, the fact remains that some affairs are ‘forced’. When you are forced into a relationship against your will and choice, it’s a violent act. Anytime you are handled in a violent manner, it leaves scars.
Some of them heal on their own, others need special handling. If your situation has you experiencing sleeplessness, digestion problems, depressed mood, difficulty thinking, being indecisive, obsessing about the affair, nightmares or being easily confused, you may be experiencing some degree of Affair Trauma.
You mind may have blocked many things out, yet body memories remain long after your mind pushes unpleasant events further and further into dark recesses. Your body remembers the violence done against it. When that occurs, it’s important to seek professional help.
In conclusion, when you are forced into a relationship of any kind, it is an act of violence which can leave its mark not only in your life but also on your body and soul.
That’s why I put together the “Dealing with Affair Trauma” video. It gives you ways of using special handling in healing those old hurts along with uniting mind and body for healing rather than using one to block out the other.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
