When you’re going through the aftermath of an affair, you discover the importance of keeping your morale up. There are times when the discouragement surrounds and overwhelms you. In those moments you have hope it feels like you’re swimming against the tide.
Those who have been in the military know the importance of morale. Having good morale often makes the difference between being a victim and overcoming.
Your morale is the key piece in whether you break on the inside and surrender to your fears. With morale being such an important thing, you’ll need to guard it and not waste it on things that don’t matter or have little consequence.
Your morale is what gives you strength when you’re surrounded by challenges. There will always be plenty of things you could argue about. It’s more important picking the right things worth using your morale on.
The more you get into an argument, the more emotional investment you make. Each argument takes an investment. When you’re out of morale or emotional energy you don’t have the energy or enthusiasm to argue or confront.
Years ago, I learned an important lesson from a contingency lawyer with the initials DL. (The irony is that DL is an abbreviation for ‘down low’ which in some circles refers to someone who’s married and having an affair).
That lesson consisted of using the trivial lawsuits and claims to wear down your opponent. Once they are worn down, they don’t have the money or the energy for the really important fights.
DL was intentionally inflammatory. He knew that getting the opponent emotionally invested would eventually wear them out. He tested limits, made wild claims and used disguises in harassing his opponents every chance he could.
His tactics worked. He excelled at wearing down the other side to the point where they either settled or backed off of some major issue.
This means that you’ll have to pick and choose your battles wisely. If you are prone to argue and dispute at any opportunity, it’ll wear you down quickly.
Frequent arguing also leads to your spouse ignoring you. The more you repeat a message, the higher the likelihood it’ll be ignored.
When you have plenty to say on everything the cheater likely ignores what you have to say on the important things. Save your energy and enthusiasm for the important interactions.
Resist temptations of being spiteful. Spite and revenge are energizing, but the kind of energy they generate drains your morale.
If you need additional help with the morale issue, the ebook, “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” deals with issues like morale and ways of considering them. It guides you in picking and choosing what really matters more.
Best Regards,
Jeff
