Are you measuring your marriage by using sex? Years ago, an old woman told me how she used to pull out a ruler and measure her husband.
She claimed “He loved it!” Although I found the story disturbing, I was reminded that many of you are measuring your marriage in terms of sex.
You may not physically be pulling out a ruler or tape measure for accurate readings, but you’re evaluating the quality of your marriage based purely on sexual performance.
Measure your marriage purely in terms of sex is dangerous and short sighted. The danger is that you can confuse the two. You begin equating one with the other.
When that’s the case, when sex gets boring, you assume something’s wrong with your marriage. That same kind of logic is used by many cheaters.
To them, all that matters is good sex, no matter where they get it. If it’s good sex, then the relationship must be good, even if it’s an affair.
Look at this logically. If you assume that Good Sex=Good Marriage, then it follows that Bad Sex=Bad Marriage. Sex is definitely an important part of your marriage, but it should not be your measuring tool used to evaluate your marriage.
In the sex obsessed culture in which we live, sex is elevated to a position where everything else is inferior to it. When sex is put on such a pedestal, it is easy for it to become the ultimate measure of your relationship.
Although cheaters may not openly state that they’re using the quality of sex as their measuring stick of morality, in practice it happens. In their mind, the affair is GOOD because the Sex is GOOD.
“The more enjoyable the sex, the better the quality of the relationship” is how some think. Following such logic, the people with the best relationships should be the prostitutes of this world.
Since the prostitutes know all the secrets of great sex, in theory, they have the best marriages, right? In reality, they don’t have the best marriages, or even the best relationships.
Now you can see the danger of measuring your marriage by sex. Although it’s dangerous, many cheaters want to get their affair behind them, so that they can return to the sex.
Sex is more important to them than getting things worked out in your marriage. They are caught up in “Whore Logic“, where Great Sex=Great Marriage type of thinking.
When cheaters continue thinking like this, they’re still in their affair mode. They’re not ready for reconciling. They’re not understanding what marriage is really about, or what it takes to make it work.
So before you rush out and purchase affair recovery programs that promise great sex after the affair, you may want to ask if they’re helping you get your marriage back on track or are they bringing whore logic into your home and applying it to your marriage?
If you want more ways of getting your marriage back on track after an affair, the downloadable, “Affair Recovery Workshop” is what you need. The workshop guides you past communication roadblocks along with ways of changing how the two of you look at marriage and relationship. If all you do is change window dressing without changing how each of you think, you’re only buying time until another relationship crisis hits.
Best Regards,
Jeff
