The holidays present some challenging situations for cheaters. You’ll see them struggling to hide the affair amidst family get-togethers.
As they mix and mingle with family, they act as if “all is normal”. With many families, situations are dynamic. Things are always changing.
When someone comes along and acts ‘too normal’ it’s often a sign that they are hiding something. They may be hiding drinking, smoking or an affair.
When a family member is a little too cheery and acting like the Christmas joy is bubbling over, chances are they are ‘hiding something’. Leading this kind of double life is difficult.
The double-life gives the Scripture about the instability of a double-minded person new meaning.
Cheaters in this situation find themselves with a foot in two different worlds. There is the world of ‘make-believe’ and the one of reality. The problem is that they forget which is which.
They treat the affair as reality and the family as make-believe, when they should be treating the family as ‘real’ and the affair as make-believe. At this time, they need support and connection.
Although families are not always healthy, their support remains important.
The sad irony is that in hiding the affair from the family, in many cases, they’re keeping with family traditions. In most cases, one or both of the cheater’s parents likely had affairs as well and kept them from the family.
So in hiding the affair, they’re doing what they saw and know from their childhood. Even though they did not realize it was a family tradition, since some of those secrets have not been disclosed openly.
The cheater may not know that they know about their parents cheating.
Had the cheater disclosed the affair, it could have opened up discussion about affairs and their impact on the family. The very support group that could have helped them is who they hide it from.
The discussion may have also allowed the parent to share the secret affair that they have been hiding from the family for decades as well.
It would be one thing if an affair was an isolated event, yet the tendency is for affairs to be part of a larger family pattern which is often not discussed or understood.
The role of family, including extended family is a powerful one when it comes to affairs. The “Affair Recovery Workshop” includes a section on family history of affairs and their dynamics along with ways of dealing with them.
Best Regards,
Jeff
