Yesterday I mentioned how in rebuilding after the affair, that there are new realities that you have to acknowledge and accept. Along with those realities is that your marriage will need a new foundation. The previous one was cracked if not destroyed. You can no longer build on the same foundation of ‘trust’. Now you will need to build on communication. You and your spouse out of necessity will need to communicate ‘much and often’. The two of you will have to discuss where you are going, tell each other what is going on and be totally open. It is only when you have this kind of gut level honesty that the relationship has a foundation to build upon. Those old ideas of ‘privacy’ will have to be thrown out between the two of you. There can be no room for secrecy anymore. There will have to be transparency. Non-transparency will lead to secrets and from there to fear. Instead of fear, there needs to be a foundation that intimacy can be rebuilt upon.
This new foundation means that you will need to touch base with each other often. It is not about getting their ‘permission’. Instead it is about reassuring each other that you and they are committed to the relationship and to working things out.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
