With the reactions to the affair revenge post yesterday, it’s clear that the topic needs further discussion. With this topic there’s confusion about anger and revenge.
Let me start by pointing out that one of the elements associated with anger is protecting yourself from what’s viewed as threatening. This is very different from revenge where the focus is no longer self-preservation, but instead has turned into the desire to inflict pain if not destroy.
Destruction and protection are two very different focal points. The difference between them blurs when someone confuses protecting themselves from protecting your marriage from the effects of the affair.
The affair has already happened. The time for protecting it from the danger of an affair has passed. Your marriage has been damaged. It’s not possible to protect it from damage that’s been done.
The only thing you can protect it from are the effects of the affair. Even then, you’re limited in what you can do.
When anger turns to resentment, it mingles with selfishness and malice. Over time, it festers into revenge. Revenge wants to inflict pain and destroy.
Revenge for an affair gets twisted when it combines with religious fervor. Then the one seeking revenge justifies it and feels driven to inflict it as if they were appointed the Angel of Judgement.
Anger is a natural reaction, while Revenge is not. Revenge is also not rational. Trying to reason with someone determined to inflict pain is an exercise in frustration. They’re driven by their passions and emotions, not logic or reason.
If you or your spouse has desires for revenge, it’s important to get help. The sooner you get help for revenge, the better.
If you’ve been living under the threat of being the victim of revenge, it inflicts trauma on you. Living in the fear of that threat puts you in a state of constant anxiety. You always have to have your guard up when in those circumstances.
The longer you live in those conditions, the greater the impact it has on you. One of those impact is that it slows down emotional healing. It stops your ability to enjoy life. Each day has more dread than joy.
When the anxiety is momentary, you will return back to normal. When the anxiety is long-term, returning back to normal takes longer if possible at all. Even when you’re finally in a safe place, you may find your guard up.
The effects of trauma make affair recovery take longer. If this sounds like your story, there are ways of moving past this. In the video on Overcoming Affair Trauma, I address these issues along with more on moving past the impact of traumatic events.
With a click of the link, you can download your copy of the video and in minutes start repairing damages from the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
