This morning, the news carried stories of Florence Henderson’s death. Having grown up in a time when “The Brady bunch” was on television, her death caught my attention on many levels.
On screen, she had one persona while off screen it was another story, with episodes of adultery, drugs for sex and other unsavory bits. Those episodes were a painful discovery that churned my stomach.
“How could Mrs. Brady do such things?” With my mind, I knew she was an actress and their real life is different than her real life. Having grown up with the show, it also sent tremors off at a deep level on recognizing that my childhood hopes and dreams in this area were based on lies and an illusion.
What rubbed salt in the wound was the media dubbing her “America’s Mom”. It gave her a halo effect that made it shocking.
Reading about her ‘real life’ was a huge disconnect for me. The stark contrast between the real person and the screen persona had more contrast than my mind could absorb. I still envision her as “Mrs. Brady” navigating her way through challenges in keeping a blended family working.
Being from a blended family, the Brady Bunch provided hope and solace. It conveyed the idea that ‘this can work’. Finding out that it was all an illusion bothered me on many levels.
Real life affairs often twists families into awkward and unnatural situations. They force you to hide parts of your life from the public. They tear your heart in different directions, with loyalty, passion, guilt and desire each pulling you in different directions. With your heart being pulled in so many directions, it’s no wonder that you experience mixed feelings and confusion.
You may try hiding the affairs in the dark corners of your life, yet they’re always found out.
In hiding those dark corners, you’ll experience a huge disconnect as well. Those disconnects make it hard to be genuine. Once you’ve compromised your relationships, you lose respect and influence both in your family and outside your family. Affairs start you going down a slippery slope.
That lost influence becomes a visible stain that people stare at rather than listen to what you’re saying to them. They look at what you did rather than listen to what you’re telling them.
The good news is that you don’t have to continue going down that slippery slope. You can take steps at turning your marriage and life around. You don’t have to live life with a huge disconnect due to an affair. A genuinely turned around marriage removes any disconnect. When other see how your life has turned around, they’ll want to hear what you have to say.
Blended families give you another chance. Rather than repeating mistakes or feeding your hurts, you can instead use it to ‘do things right’ this time.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
PS-If you need some extra help repairing the damage from things hidden in dark corners, undoing disconnects and revitalizing your marriage, there’s help in the form of the Affair Recovery Workshop.
2 Responses
That was brilliantly written! I felt the same way. It hurts because you think people are a certain way and they’re not. If you want to be more shocked about Florence-read an interview her grandson, Kyle Russell did on Redditt-Flo was alive at the time. Google I’m the oldest grandson of Florence Henderson and its the first one. A few tidbits are: daughter Lizzie had to drop out of college because Flo wouldn’t pay because her second husband told her not to. Both daughters thought of her as a sex fiend and Lizzie and Flo had serious relationship issues. The interview will knock your socks off. Sara
Sara,
Thank you for sharing your comments. The disconnect struck a deep chord in me. Having grown up in a blended family, I identified with the ‘Brady Bunch’ in the sense, it gave me hope for the changes happening at that time. This is what made the discovery of the ‘real’ Florence Henderson a big disappointment, especially since some in the media continued portraying her as ‘wholesome’, even going so far as to calling her “America’s Mom”.
I’ll have to check out the interview. It sounds enlightening.
Jeff