Years ago, Burger King launched an advertising campaign with the slogan “Have it your way”. In many ways, that saying has become the mantra of modern society, especially those prone to cheat.
You may have even found yourself tempted to indulge yourself to an eating or shopping splurge after hearing such messages.
Let’s face it, messages of ‘control yourself’ ‘show some restraint’ don’t sell very well. You don’t want to hear about restraint, you want to hear about doing what you want to do.
There’s a reason why that phrase is now considered one of the vest marketing campaigns ever.
It just so happens that “Have it YOUR way!” gives you permission for self-indulgence. You tell yourself that message and you at the same time give yourself permission to “Just Do It”.
After years of hearing slogans like “have it your way!” and others like it that feed into the instant gratification mindset, many people who had not planned on cheating are talked into it.
The instant gratification and selfish messages work like tossing gasoline onto a fire. Those that had planned to cheat are given the motivation to act on their impulses.
Like cheerleaders that work at raising team spirit and encourage the team to do well, cheaters find themselves encouraged to ‘do what they want’ and ‘have it their way’ and now have their courage worked up to act on what they have been wanting to do.
Cheating has been a problem for centuries across many cultures and civilizations. Cheating is not a new problem.
What is the modern problem is that cheaters now have the encouragement and social structure that goad them to cheat and not feel so guilty about it. The mantra “It’s not your fault!” is used in chasing their desires. They are goaded into acting on their impulses.
Although such goading should not be used as an excuse for what they did, it is something you need to consider and be aware of. Those messages and goading will be there after the affair as well.
In many ways, the damage is done, the message “Have it your way!” has been seared into their brain. The message has been added to the cheater’s programming.
You’ll not be able to erase it from their brain. You can work with them to know the consequences of what happens when they “have it their way” and how it leaves everyone in the family feeling. The selfishness that underlies affairs often started long before the affair happened.
If you want to know more, the e-book, “Why He Cheats” goes into greater detail of the thinking and fantasizing that goes in related to the affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
