In researching affairs, one of the lessons I’ve been exposed to is that there are lessons gained from the experts and those of you going through the affairs. It’s also clear that the problem of affairs isn’t limited by national boundaries.
You, along with others are looking for answers and direction in dealing with affairs. Although the internet would be a marvelous tool for helping mankind with relationship challenges, in most cases, it’s used for spreading pornography instead of spreading answers.
Today, I want to spread answers rather than continuing the problems. A hurting woman in Australia, who identified herself as Betty123 wrote:
“Hi all,
I have previously posted about how my husband has been working away in another country. He had been away for a matter of weeks when he had cheated on me ( at that time I was 7 months pregnant at home). He had two one night stands and slept with another woman on more than one occasion.
When I found out, he denied everything and continued to lie. I now know everything and he has come clean. On finding out I was sure that the marriage was over.
I told my family and friends what he had done. Now I have had our daughter and I saw him after her birth for a few days so he could meet her and spend time with her before he had to go back abroad.
I expected to hate him or to feel nothing. But I still love him and want to be with him. Saying goodbye to him this time was harder than when he first went and before he cheated. I know that my hormones will be everywhere with just having had the baby but I really want to give it another go.
I want him here all the time, but now my family and friends know and it will be so difficult.”
Betty definitely has her hands full. Although there are many issues I can address, the one I want to focus on is bringing in family and friends to your affair situation.
Betty now faces the pressure from them, even though she is the one that looped them into her situation in the first place. Telling others about the affair that don’t need to know creates problems like Betty’s situation.
Where you go for support and who you tell about the affair makes a difference. Although she may have felt relieved in venting with them, now she faces a new challenge. In venting with friends and family, they often take your burden on as theirs.
Many friends and family members take up your issues and resentments as their own. Time won’t allow me to explain the many motivations for this. What I can tell you is that you need to be careful about who you bring into your affair recovery.
This is where membership in the Restored Lifestyle site helps. You can share with others who know what you are going through, including the ambivalent times. Since you share anonymously, you don’t have to worry about shame and facing them at the grocery store, church or family get togethers.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
