You may be missing valuable information right in front of you in the form of lies. Lies are designed to ‘hide the truth.’
What lies tell you <<– listen to the audio here
Hi, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. And I’m glad you’re here with me today. We’ve got some interesting stuff to go ahead and talk about.
What we’re going to address today are what lies tell you. What’s at stake here is that many times when the cheater is lying to you there may be missing, valuable information right in front of you in the form of lies.
Granted, I know that lies are all about deception and since they’re designed to deceive and to hide the truth, many times when you take a closer look at what is it that they’re hiding, what is all this smokescreen about, it can reveal things to you that you wouldn’t have otherwise known.
Since cheaters are creatures of habit, you can glean information from the lies that tell you things about them, things about what’s going on in their head, based on those habits. They may be lying to protect you, to protect themselves, protect both of you, maybe even to protect the lover.
And rather than dig around through all kinds of spying and intelligence stuff, the answer might be right there in front of you. If you know what to look for. And that’s what we’re going to be going ahead and talking about today.
In terms of a solution, there’s several things that you can do.
- Look for inconsistencies and patterns in their lies. Because when people start spinning lies, some of the cheaters may be pretty sharp mentally.
But let’s assume average intelligence, and with average intelligence they’re not going to remember all the details about who they told to what.
With that in mind look for patterns concerning who they were with, what they were doing, where they were, and so forth. When you start seeing the patterns in those areas it’s going to let you know something. Because the patterns not only will let you know what the source of the lie is, and what they’re lying about, but also how does what they tell you compare with what they usually do.
2. Look for psychosomatic changes. And by psychosomatic changes, just pay attention to what’s going on. Notice their breathing. Notice the amount of perspiration that’s going on. The size of their pupil, the clarity of their voice. Because many times cheaters, when they are lying, can control their words.
It’s almost like a skilled artisan, carefully choosing the right word to deceive or to hide. And although they are very good at crafting the words, some of them may be good at their tone of voice as well, they’re never good enough to control everything. They can control the words, but not their non-verbals.
The non-verbals are going to be things like pupil size, perspiration, shifting around in their chair, breaking their look from looking at you. Different little things like that. And it may not be just one thing, it may be a series of little things that just doesn’t fit the pattern. Because if you know what they’re lying about you’ll know what you can believe and what you can’t believe.
3. You’re going to need to recognize that this discomfort about lies is actually a “good sign”. I know some of you are probably saying ‘What?’ You mean them lying to me is a good thing?
Now, before you blow a gasket, let me go ahead and explain. What this means, because if they’re lying and there’s this discomfort associated with the lies, it means they know that what they are doing is wrong.
When the cheater knows what they’re doing is wrong, it gives you some hope for your situation, as opposed to the individual that has no discomfort.
Because if there’s no discomfort that means the cheater is going on with the affair and it’s going to be much harder overcoming an affair situation when you’re dealing with a spouse that sees the affair as what’s the big deal, I didn’t do anything wrong.
That is a hard position to deal with.
I know we are just scratching the surface by going ahead and bringing up these things, but this will start you looking for things. Looking for the inconsistencies and the patterns in their lies.
Looking for the psychosomatic changes, then recognizing that the discomfort is often a good sign, because all that deception is about tricking you. If you can stay calm and keep your head about you as this is going on, those lies and what they’re lying about, you’ll be able to start piecing together the puzzle.
So often times, when you’ve been hurt by cheating, you want to jump in their face and say you don’t love and somehow correct them and react to what’s going on. And when you do that you miss out on a lot of information. You miss out on a lot of opportunities.
I want you to turn around and rather than miss out on those things, try to make the most of them. This could save you a lot of wear and tear. I know in a previous session I talked about spying. This could give you an alternative way to get some information without going out there and doing a bunch of spying.
But these are things that you can start doing the next time that you see your spouse, or even next time you talk to them on the phone. And start using what’s going on to your advantage in this situation.
This is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. Thank you. Bye.
