Anytime I come across thought-provoking quotes, I make note of them. When they are good quotes I put them in my collection. In the case of misleading or negative quotes, I make my personal notations beside them.
If you saw my personal library, you’d see books filled with comments, markings, and diagrams. Instead of coloring in my books, I mark them up.
A couple of years ago, I came across a collection of quotes from Esther Perel. Some were on the money, while others raised my skepticism.
One quote made it clear that Esther Perel hasn’t read “How Can I Trust You Again?” She said, “trust is the active engagement with the unknown. Trust is risky. It’s vulnerable. It’s a leap of faith.”
Although her statement has some points to consider when she says that trust is a leap of faith, she clearly isn’t familiar with the Trust Formula I present in the book. There are specific components to trust. When you know what they are, that leap of faith isn’t a plunge into the unknown.
Had she been familiar with the trust formula, she’d know what the ingredients of trust are without guesswork or being a leap of faith. If something was missing, she’d know what it was.
When it comes to quotes, I don’t just take them at face value. I go beneath the surface to see if there is any merit to them.
In the case of this quote from Esther Perel, I found that her statement doesn’t hold up when you understand trust more deeply. If anything, it’s a reminder that there are some ‘experts’ who are searching for answers to things like trust in the dark.
I agree that trust requires active engagement and that it’s risky at times. The risk isn’t about it being a leap of faith in something that’s unknown, it’s more about taking a chance on making yourself vulnerable with someone whose been inconsistent or let you down.
Instead of being blindsided, you can know the areas where trust in your marriage relationship is shaky. In my mind the leap of faith isn’t a blind leap, it’s one where you know the potential dangers and you can see them.
Esther says trust is dealing with the ‘unknown’. If you consider trust as something that’s totally unknown, you can do something about that. You can know what part of trust needs improvement.
Click and download “How Can I Trust You Again?” and you too will know about the Trust Formula which points out what areas need attention and correction.
You no longer have to engage with the unknown. You can know what needs correcting in your marriage relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
