When I saw the story about how Ellen DeGeneres was telling people that “Everyone is very grateful…“, it reminded me of the rhetorical poly used in the media for manipulating people concerning affairs and morals. When media personalities tell you “Everyone thinks this way…”, you can be sure of two things.
One is that not everyone thinks that way.
Two, that they are trying to ‘shape’ your opinions or morals.
In other words, they are trying to manipulate you. Cheaters use this same rhetorical manipulation with affairs. By getting you to think that your thoughts about marriage and affairs are old fashioned, out of sync with society, or some other term, they’re trying to make you give up your standards.
By making you feel like you are the outlier, weird or out of step with popular culture, they create a form of peer pressure used against you.
The mythical ‘everyone‘ is used in creating a ‘fake’ peer pressure. When you are told this, you want to remember that you and the cheater said your marriage vows to God.
Although there was an audience, they (the public) was not part of the promises made. The promises you made were to each other, NOT to the mythical ‘everyone’.
You don’t have to answer to the ‘everyone’. They were not part of the promises made. When the cheater brings the ‘everyone’ into an argument, they are trying to manipulate you.
Since each of us often feels inadequate at some levels, you are vulnerable to these manipulations. You do not want to feel like you are a freak or don’t fit in.
This manipulation turns your uniqueness into a ploy against you.
There are many figures in popular culture that want to change morals and demonize marriage. When you work at overcoming an affair, especially if you stay with your spouse, it reminds them that they are the ones who are on the wrong side.
Since they don’t like dealing with conviction or guilt, pressure will be placed on you to feel that way. The sanctity of marriage is under attack.
There are people in popular culture working at undermining marriage, and ‘normalizing’ adultery. You can’t have it both ways, either marriage is an institution or adultery is an institution.
The two are at odds with each other, and have been over the centuries. You either have one or the other. Those who try clinging to both end up loosing each.
So the next time some media person or the cheater tells you that ‘everyone thinks this way…’, alarms should go off in your head alerting you to the manipulation that is being worked on you.
In the downloadable series “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll learn other ways of cutting through the manipulation. Whether it’s communication games or fake expectations, you can be equipped for dealing with the Cheater and their wiles.
Best Regards,
Jeff
