When the advice columnist Amy Dickinson went on vacation, she posted a series of her responses to infidelity situations as part of her ‘best of’ collection. Many of the situations she addressed are heart if not gut wrenching.
One of them concerned a wife with a medical condition. While she was dealing with health issues her husband used the circumstances as play time regarding affairs.
It would be one thing if this was an isolated event or ‘just a good story’. The sad reality is that this situation happens. While one spouse struggles with medical concerns, the other makes the claim that “I have needs” and indulges in infidelity.
They do have needs, yet so does their ailing spouse. At a time when she needs him and his support, it’s being shared elsewhere.
There are a couple of things to remember in this type of situation. First, it’s important to be clear about your expectations. If you’re married, you have certain rights and one of them is fidelity. You don’t need to spell it out, but make sure that your spouse knows that you expect monogamy in your relationship.
It astounds me how so many spouses forget the ‘in sickness and in health’ part of their vows. They may claim ‘I never signed up for this’, well, neither did their spouse.
Situations, where one spouse suffers from a medical condition, put strains on your marriage. It stretches both of you beyond your comfort zones.
Using the medical condition as an excuse for an affair doesn’t lessen its impact. In many ways, it makes the situation sadder and more tragic.
Moving beyond such situations requires talking about uncomfortable issues. It also requires self-sacrifice from each spouse. When you face such situations, do you even know where to begin?
In the downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I address the areas couples need to discuss in the aftermath of an affair. It also guides you in working together in finding solutions in overcoming the affair.
Rather than getting caught up in loops of misdirection and blame, the two of you can instead be focused on rebuilding your marriage and making changes in your expectations of each other. Knowing what to discuss is half the struggle. When faced with medical issues, you need fewer struggles rather than more.
Download your copy today and get your marriage pointed in the direction of healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
