One of the previous emails that generated many responses asked the question “Are you being groomed to cheat?” The number of responses told me that this remains a concern for many of you.
I realized after writing it that the topic needs further attention. It’s likely that grooming is going on that you never considered.
The grooming I’m referring to is the ‘normalization’ of affairs. With clock like regularity television programming gives you hour after hour of presenting infidelity as ‘normal’ and ‘routine’.
They portray adulterous relationships as a natural occurrence without the severe consequences that happen in real life. This is an intentional de-sensitizing you to infidelity.
Keep in mind that even in the Bible adultery is forbidden along with even thinking about it. Today’s programming keeps it in front of your mind to where you can’t ignore it.
First, consider that the average US adult spends 5 hours and 38 minutes a day watching television. That kind of exposure starts shaping your thinking on the topic.
Even if you only watch 3 hours a day, the repeated presentation of affairs as ‘normal’ will eventually wear you down. At a sub-conscious level, your mind absorbs what’s presented to it.
The actors are role modeling how to have and affair along with how they want you to handle it.
Secondly, have you noticed that when couples engage in infidelity on television, they rarely express grief or repent their actions. The shows portray gratification without responsibility.
They do it without regret. Their lack of responsibility concerning sleeping with other people’s spouses trains your mind.
That training increases in effectiveness when you’ve already consumed wine or alcohol while watching. Whether you intend for the programming to change you, it sends a message to your mind.
When in graduate school, one of the courses I took opened my eyes concerned the effects of television on you. At that time, shows like the Brady Bunch, Julia and many of the Saturday morning shows were focused on normalizing blended families and single parent homes.
Now, few people blink or think anything is wrong with blended families or single parent homes. That didn’t ‘just happen’.
The programmers (social engineers) worked hard at removing the social stigma associated with divorce and the ones surrounding single parent families.
I’m not sure if they the programming contributed to blended families and single parent households. I know that there’s more acceptance of those family configurations now.
I learned about the techniques used in shaping your thinking and your values. By viewing such situation so frequently, you begin accepting them as ‘routine’ or business as usual.
When you view the many episodes of affairs without repentance or consequences, it softens you up to accept those situations and outcomes. You’re being programmed in the images to accept cheating as normal and routine.
I also know that gratification outside of marriage has real-life consequences. Separating the two creates instability and unsound thinking. The affair may have happened recently, yet the softening up has been going on for a while.
This means recovery from the affair is not just limited to getting back together again. It also includes getting yourself and your thinking back together.
Recovering from an affair requires more than just ending it. Recovery also includes changing your thinking about affairs and how acceptable and routine they are.
If all you’ve done is end the affair, the risk of affair relapse is high. In the video, “Overcoming Affair Relapse”, I address many of the changes needed in your thinking in order to reduce the risk of affair relapse.
The affair has to be removed from the cheater’s heart and head. Just stopping it isn’t going far enough.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
