One of the trends I’ve noticed with the Covid and now talk of Monkeypox lockdowns is that the quality of questions being asked by spouses is changing. In the past, you haven’t had to spend so much time with your spouse.
With the additional time, there are additional questions and typically, they address issues with greater thoughtfulness. One of those questions is “How long does affair discovery last?
Although the reactions from discovering your spouse’s affair happen quickly, you may be one of those who either put off taking action or don’t want to believe what you discovered.
It is not uncommon for the person who has been cheated on to spend days, weeks, months, or even years trying to understand what happened, why it happened, and if there is anything they could have done differently.1
Denial is powerful. It keeps you blind to what’s right in front of you.
It’s not that you’re stupid. Denial has ways of making everyone experiencing it look foolish.
Denial is a coping mechanism. It allows you to protect yourself from the hurt, pain, and reality of an affair.
Dealing with the aftermath of an affair is hard. No one wants to believe that their spouse could cheat on them.
No one likes unpleasant news, especially when it impacts your marriage. When troubling news hits you personally, it may take a while before it sets in.
Some people react quickly to bad news, while for others it’s a slow burn. This is a difference in reaction times and reaction styles.
Expecting yourself to fit within some affair recovery timeline puts added pressure on you that you don’t need during this time. Those timelines put time pressure on you and prematurely force your relationship into awkward positions.
Nothing is wrong with you if it takes longer for news of affair discovery to sink in or if you react quickly.
What is important is that once you make the discovery that you follow it up with action. Making the discovery of an affair and doing nothing is problematic.
Intentionally delaying your response makes things worse. This is where you silence contributes to the problem by making things worse. Cheaters typically view your silence as ‘condoning’ of what they’re doing.
When you’re silent, they interpret your inaction however they want to, which isn’t in your best interest. One action is learning how to deal with it and what your options are. You can find this in the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”.
The affair crisis focuses on the discovery of the affair and your actions in the aftermath of that discovery. The steps you take shape the direction recovery goes, so handling it well will make a difference.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
