It never ceases amazing me when the excuse “I love him/her!” is cried out in justifying an affair. The part that amazes me is that the cheater will tell you the truth (usually after you squeeze it out of them), yet claims loving the lover and NOT telling them the truth about things.
They’re more honest with you than the lover when it comes to the unpleasant, but real aspects of life and relationships.
Somehow love is used as a reason for sleeping around, yet covering the truth. This tells me that they really don’t understand love with all it involves.
Love is not only about acceptance, it is also telling the truth, setting and enforcing limits. It also requires you consider the interest of others, even to the point of delaying gratification or self-sacrifice.
Somehow cheaters didn’t get the memo on delayed gratification being a part of love. “In the name of love” (or in the name of “I deserve it” or “I want more passion”, etc. ) they demand immediate gratification.
When they start demanding immediate gratification, you know that what they are after is not “love”, but instead is a cheap substitute.
Everyone likes the warm, fuzzy aspects of love, yet there is more to it than that…way more. Love also involves commitment. When you tell someone that you ‘love’ them, it is more than just saying you have STRONG feelings for them.
You are making a commitment to help them achieve their potential, about being devoted to them, about wanting the best for them. When a cheater says they ‘love’ someone else, they’re giving away what has already been promised to you.
In giving something that’s not theirs to give, they’re building a world of deception for themselves and the lover. They may have the hots for the lover and want to get in their pants, but they’re not serious about making commitments to them.
So if you hear the whine “but I love them”, you may want to ask “Do you love them enough to be honest with them?”. Do you love them enough to tell them the truth about you and commitment?” It may shake them up, but they need to hear it.
I address hard questions like this and others in the ebook “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” If you are looking for answers, you will find it a great place to start.
Best Regards,
Jeff
