When it comes down to affairs and children, the information you receive has a lot to do with the questions you ask. Cheaters often play down the effects of the affair on the children. It is true that children are flexible and often accepting of changes. That does not mean that they like them or that the changes improve their lives in any way. Rather than deal with those questions, my concern today is what the affair teaches your children.
An affair teaches them that self-gratification is more important than doing what is right. Whether or not you intended to teach them this lesson, it is what they will learn. They will learn more from what they experience than what they are taught.
An affair teaches children that values are temporal things. Values can be changes depending on your circumstances. It shows them that you change your values depending on who you are with and what the payoff is. There is a BIG difference between flexibility and compromising your values. Affairs do not teach flexibility, they teach moral compromise.
An affair shows them that God is not something that you have to consider in your daily life. When a cheater has an affair, they are putting their views, values and importance above everything else. They are playing God in their life. Regardless of what they preach, their actions show that those values do not matter, they will decide what is right or wrong, not some set of values or beliefs. In such circumstance, they do not have to consider moral consequences and the impact on others, they (the cheater) decides what is to be done. The cheater often holds to such ideas, until their child decides on using drugs or being the decision maker on who they date and marry while shutting the cheater out. When that happens the cheaters often have a hard time receiving the same treatment they have been giving to others.
An affair also teaches that lying is acceptable. When you are faced with tough situations, it is acceptable to lie. You can lie to your own family, if it keeps them from pain and hurt. Teaching your children how to lie is not a good idea, yet it is one of the many lessons taught by the affair.
Before you have an affair or justify it, you may want to think through the many consequences and the lessons it teaches your children. It is easier to complain about ‘the children these days’ than for parents to examine who taught them those things. It may not be the influence of television, it could be that through your cheating behavior, you have taught them more than you assumed.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
When my husband left the house to go ‘to work’ or ‘to play ‘ whenever we had our family bible time ..it taught our children ..particularly my son that Study of the Bible was something for women and children and when a man gets to be an ‘adult’ he has not need or responsibility to study the bible nor lead his family
ZAZA,
You are correct. In such a case, it teaches that the Bible is associated with women’s activities. Your husband painted a value-laden picture for your children to emulate that attempts to rewire their values. It is not a pretty picture and actually weakens ‘manhood’. We have way too many men who associate manhood more with sexual performance than leadership and responsibility, especially concerning the Biblical responsibilities regarding men.