One of the take-aways from the Christmas holiday is that you obtain a clearer view of the priorities of the cheater. There may be lots of talk about what is important.
Over the holidays, you find out what’s truly important to them. When people are stressed, their true priorities often shine through.
With the many decisions made, you begin seeing patterns as to who wins out, who loses out, where time is spent and who time is spent with. Each of these provide you with clues about their ‘real’ priorities.
They can tell you that you’re important, the holidays with the many commitments they bring you find out for real. In those times of stress and decision making, you see what really matters.
Many of you miss this opportunity due to being distracted or stressed out yourself. No matter how much the cheater hides things during the year, over the holidays, you obtain a glimpse into the real priorities.
When there is a limited amount of time, money, etc. consider how it is meted out. Notice not only what is given, but also the attitude behind the giving, along with the time factor.
The cheater makes time for what’s important to them. If it’s you that they made time for, that’s a GOOD thing. The holidays provide the cheater with a chance to show you that you are their priority.
It also shows that their reputation or appearances are more important that truth.
If you are looking for a place to talk, share and learn more about affairs, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find others going through affair recovery and resources for helping you through it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
One Response
Yes I realize ….for many years I took what was offered as I was convinced that it was all he could spare….Of course after D DAY I came to realize that he had time, energy and ability …but he CHOSE to spend them with the OW …and other people .
I often wonder why he could not bring himself to address whatever might have begun to build in his mind as his excuse for not being willing to share and deal with whatever it was that was his excuse for staying too busy and too involved with other things and other people to deal with whatever his difficulties where with me..
In considering how he has interacted with others I am thinking he simply could not manage any kind of relationship with anyone more than a superficial one…even with the OW ….judging from her emails that I did have access to .
She spent a lot of time trying to get him to interact with him too …she is the one that gave him a book ‘Help I ‘m in Love with a Narcissist”
I had not considered him a narcissist before …but she spent MOST of her life in therapy …I guess it was something of a status symbol among some of those she wanted to impress or maybe her parents wanted to impress.
Her father was her father but step father to her half siblings since their father died….and he was quite successful …if that story she told my husband was true …but he lost his career due to alcoholism …
Still I think her upbringing without the Lord and with the feminist programming her generation was infected with growing up most likely led to her desire not to marry but to do whatever she could to destroy a marriage and family.
The severe doctrine of the third wave feminist movement is pretty cold hearted.
This Christmas Eve my husband spent all day with the other children and a good portion of the afternoon Christmas day with us …but as soon as the gifts were opened he left ..despite our daughters having counted on him to have dinner with us .
He simply has DECIDED he is not going to be here and not going to communicate directly with me unless he has no other options …Right now it is through our youngest daughter …though adults …both daughters live with us …now me….
In essence he has spend most of our marriage off loading all of the functions of husband to others…except and thankfully so the bill paying which he has continued …I am grateful for that…being out of the work force for 30+ years and both of my careers pretty much a past tense situation …At 66 I am pretty dependent upon my husband …so he is paying for our home and expenses as he is able
That is something.
A sad example for our son ….