When considering infidelity there may be times that you wonder if you are dealing with an adult or a large adolescent. In previous generations, adults were known for their self-discipline, self-restraint and setting aside selfish interests for doing what was right for their family. In today’s culture, you instead see, self-indulgence in the name of ‘self-discovery’, intense narcissism disguised as ‘self-fulfillment’, and unrestrained sexual indulgence in the name of self-gratification. It seems that maturity has become a name we attach to large adolescents rather than the previous association of the term with mature thinking. In the past, a mature thinker could set aside their selfish interests for the family. In modern society, the so-called mature thinker merely finds more creative ways of indulging their selfishness.
In previous generations what you considered ‘manly’ or ‘womanly’ behavior is very different from the behavior often seen from the behaviors seen in today’s society. We need more men and women that understood that maturity is more than just being of legal age, and that self-fulfillment or self-gratification were something set aside in favor of what is best for the family.
With this in mind, the infidelity you are facing has more to do with their immaturity than with their seeking fulfillment or some other fancy term.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
AMEN JEFF!
In todays ‘entertainment centric’ culture …it is not just recent …my dad ..born in 1910 grew ‘up’ believing his life was work to pay the bills and anything left over he ‘deserved’ to spend as he wanted….his ‘free time’ was spent on golf…..and “his’ money was spent buying new cars without even talking with my mom..we were not wealthy but he was a pretty good sales man …and charming ..a lot of what has developed in my husband I now realize were things that were prominent in my dad ..even though I would not have thought so .
I was careful in my evaluation of the man I married ..since I was older at the time …30 …I had had some time to learn ..from bible..and study of what a godly marriage entailed…and had some various relationships and watched many of the sinful ways people related …I was trying to make a careful and thoughtful evaluation.
I find now as I have learned more about how fathers may interview suitors I did something similar …because I had no one to do that …so I tried…
I think the reason a godly dad is great in ‘interviewing ‘ a potential suitor is not to MAKE the decision so much as to stand between his daughters emotions and a young man who may try to utilize methods to awaken her emotions before his character has been examined…A really foregn thought to people today ..
But a weak character man will not even think twice about flirting and working a woman’s emotions.
It is encouraged today
AND young women have viewed this attention as an indication that they are desirable …NOW I get it …attention of this kind is NOT flattering ..but back in the day …it was an indication that you were valued!
Superficial value is so deception ..and today’s young women ,,,children are encouraged to become sexuality by clothing lines…[Dannah Gresh is doing a good job offering mothers and daughters into about getting vocal about this type of merchandising ….]
Immaturity has been the ‘wave’ ,,,even my dads generation thought they were mature since they married , had children ,…worked hard…but maturity is what a true devotion to the LORD and HIS commands for a husband to relate to his wife in marriage properly
To many young men they are seeking someone who they can have ‘free sex’ whenever without having the ‘work’ of romancing …and then be ‘free’ to do whatever they want since now they have their fall back woman …who cleans , cooks and takes care of all the ‘messy work’ of life…while they ‘go play’
This was the way my family of origin worked….and thus I learned ..despite the other study ..that I “SHOULD” make sure my husband had his R and R time ….so he would be ‘healthy ‘ enough to live long and work hard.
A total mess…even with my mom living with this she resented being a ;’golf widow’ …I remember at some point my dad suggesting she go take up golf ..but she refused….and besides…I have tried to ‘join’ my husband and though he was patient…I knew that he did not really get to PLAY golf as long as I was there …it was one of his efforts to try to do something as a couple after D DAY …most of any of the activities he did while we had young children he did not even TRY to find things we could enjoy as a couple…he took the opportunity to use the busy ness of that season to excuse himself for planning fun for himself that did not include me or even consider that I TOO might have enjoyed not just a time out but time WITH HIM ..
He simply chose to take what he felt was a great set up for him to go live on as an adolescent..
To me it is a trend of men extending their childhood at the expense of their own children having their own childhood….it is simply astounding how men have fallen for such a loss to their own lives of the greatest privilege and gift a man could have in life.
I have a friend who always wanted to get married and have a family who never did ….he has made many families his own ….he is the ‘uncle’ to many of his friends kids ..still he knows the loss of not having had a wife and children …
Why do so many men seem to miss the best of what GOD has given for fleeting superficial experiences ..with people who really care less about them and disappear when they tire of them or they no longer can GET from them what they once did .
I feel that those who offer themselves for an option or distraction of a man from his household are just as guilty of infidelity as one who actually enters the marriage bed…it often steals just as much from the lives of those in the marriage and family ..
There is a boundary of respect that needs to be placed ,and it is up to the husband to set it clearly and keep it …wives are not as prone to wander even if they do not know the Lord if their husbands would take the trouble to really learn what loving their own wife involves ..it is not all that demanding ..certainly not as much work as cheating …or neglecting them!
Zaza,
Thank you for sharing the account of your experiences. Many men and women have not matured in our society. We need more real men and women and fewer nursery school dropouts who are only adults due to their age and not their maturity. Although that is what we need, for the moment, we have to work with what we have.