By their nature, obsessions are difficult to deal with. Obsessions are the unrealistic thoughts you have.
Dealing with your spouse’s obsessions <<– listen to the audio here
Hi there. This is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio and I’m glad that you’re here with us today. The session that we are going to be focusing on today concerns how to deal with my spouse’s obsessions.
This question comes up because in terms of recovering from the affair the issue of the cheater obsessing about things comes out. Or it may even be your own obsessing about the affair that is problematic.
By their nature obsessions are hard to deal with. An obsession, these are the unrealistic thoughts that you have. Since we deal with affairs the obsessions of our concern, in this case, focuses on the affair.
Maybe on the lover, on what the lover and the cheater did, or in the case of the cheater having obsessions they may continue to be obsessed about the lover and various fantasies about the lover.
Either you or the cheater can find yourself suffering from obsessions. There’s a whole spectrum of obsessions, from periodic unwanted thoughts to the other extreme of being totally unable to calm your mind or stop your thoughts.
It’s almost like they kick in and like a freight train you can’t stop it. It just keeps moving on through your mind, these thoughts about the affair, what they did, or the lover, and just can’t be stopped. And you can’t find yourself resting at all.
This is a tough situation to be in, and a very uncomfortable one. That’s why we’re going to be dealing with this today, because many times when people are in that situation they don’t want to be there and they want to stop it. We’re going to be talking about wha you can do here.
The solution is going to be to slow down the obsessions. I know you want to eliminate them, but the reality is elimination of the obsessions is not always possible. But slowing them down is a good start. It’s a lot easier to eliminate obsessions that are slowed down than it is to totally stop them right off the bat.
We’re going to be talking about what you can do to start slowing them down. These are going to be things that you can start working on even now.
- In terms of slowing down the obsessions, is to remove the trigger if possible. I use the term trigger because with obsessions it may be an object, it may be a picture, it may be a particular place in town, a particular time of the day. Triggers can be multiple things.
What happens with the trigger, it’s almost like the trigger operates like a ghost. It constantly reminds you of what it is that you’re dealing with, and it’s going to be hard to gain control as long as that trigger is there around you.
So if you can either get rid of it, remove it, throw it away, do so. Because as long as it’s around it’s going to remind you that you’re not fully in control. Remove the trigger, if possible.
2. If you’re debilitated consult a physician. Because obsessions are a serious matter. They’re not something that you can deal with in a willy-nilly fashion. They can get to the point where they totally debilitate you. If your obsessions are such that you can’t even get out of bed, you can’t function, you can’t go anywhere, in that case you may need to consult with a physician about the need for medication to help get your mind in a place where you can take some of these other steps.
3. As simple as it sounds, is to breathe. You need to learn relaxation. You can find some relaxation exercises online, or go to someone who knows some. Learn how to do them. Practice meditation, yoga, and some of those other forms of mental and physical exercise can help you with your breathing. Help you gain control of the breathing.
Because with this increased breathing, or improved breathing, it’s going to give you a greater sense of control because there’s going to be more oxygen. A lot of times with obsessions what happens is that people either forget to breathe or stop breathing, and that creates this panicky feeling, which makes the obsessions even worse. It takes it almost to a new level of fearfulness. So the simple step of breathing will help you in this situation.
In terms of slowing down the obsessions, you want to take the first step of removing the trigger. The trigger will help to remove what’s making you remember this, what’s getting you thinking.
Number two, if debilitated consult a physician.
Number three, breathe. Learn how to breathe, practice your breathing. This will go a long way. Even if you just are sitting down listening to some relaxing music for at least 15 minutes, because I think five minutes is too short and many people can’t carve out a 30 minute slot. But 15 minutes, that’s enough to essentially move your body.
These are steps that you need to take and that you can take to start slowing down the obsessions. The obsessions can make your life miserable and you’re going to need to stop the obsessions, or at least slow them down, before you start tackling many of the issues concerning the affair.
Because if it’s in the case of your spouse you may have to help them overcome their obsessions, because they may not have the courage or the strength to be able to do some of these things. And they may have to rely upon you to help them through this process.
I encourage you to do so.
