One of the common remarks I hear from betrayed spouses is “I feel so stupid.” This is said soon after discovering the affair. The betrayed spouse says it to themselves and others.
Although they saw some of the signs, they never connected what they saw and came to the conclusion about the affair.
Rather than trying convincing you that you’re not stupid, let’s examine the possibility of stupidity.
First, the label ‘stupid’ has many negative connotations. You may have either called yourself that or someone else used that name on you or worse, your parent referred to you being stupid. Since you feel similar to those incidents from your past, it’s natural that you use that label for what your experiencing now.
I know when one of my parents called me stupid, the pain stayed with me for years. It hurt at a very deep level. The hurt lay dormant for years until one day when another episode happened and it came out.
In these cases, calling yourself ‘stupid’ is more about expressing deep hurt than an attack on your intelligence.
Secondly, cheaters typically hide, disguise or lie about what they’re doing. They keep you in the dark and deliberately mislead you. Since you married them, you believed them. They hid things from you and used your trust against you.
They charmed their way into someone else’s pants, so it’s likely that they can mislead you about what they did.
It’s quite a shock when you discover they intentionally misled you about the affair. They may have even taken advantage of your early life traumas and used it to keep you totally unaware of what was going on.
Some cheaters go so far as to say things that leave you feeling like you’re going crazy by imagining the affair or doubting them. Those things they say put you in a position where you quit trusting yourself and your own gut reactions.
Getting healthy after what happened requires healing. The kind of healing that comes from the inside out. Start by addressing the hurts and trauma in your life along with the reasons you’re beating yourself up like a martyr.
If you don’t know how to move past those traumas and self-reproach, consider the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma“. It guides you through the trauma experience.
In most situations the intense hurt of the affair is worsened by how it resonates with other traumas in your life. Those times you were abandoned, rejected and left alone will come back to you when an affair happens.
Those previous traumas also keep you from making sense of what’s happening with the affair. You may not have seen it due to not wanting to go through any of those unpleasant experiences in your life again.
Click and download the video today. Within minutes you can start undoing emotional damage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
